Beautiful Worlds

I’m depressed. I don’t feel like doing anything at all. I can’t smile, I can’t laugh, and I can’t stop crying at times. It’s difficult to feel better.

I don’t eat well. I spent most of my time sitting at home, in my room, alone thinking about stuff I don’t even know what. I even talk to myself. The other day, while I was on the way driving home alone, I caught myself talking to myself. I know it’s disturbing, but I can’t help it. Sometimes, I think I am crazy. I don’t know how to fix myself. Every night I’d sleep earlier than I used to because I feel tired after crying. Hence, my crying has now become my lullaby. Then I started to have nightmares, I can’t sleep properly. This depression has even triggered my temper. I am angry most of the time. I know people are annoyed and irritated with it. Shameful to confess, at times when I am stressful and sad, I hit myself just to release the pain I’m suffering.

I keep on wondering, why is this happening to me? Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I have a normal life like other people does? Why is God doing this to me?! I feel pain. I feel the intense grief. I just don’t think so I can go on like this. I don’t know how to make the pain to go away! I just want to be happy. I’m so sad. And nobody understands me.