Beautiful Worlds

by Faye Kusairi

23.4.10

Ding Dong

Penat lelah aku selama ini buat kamu ternyata GARBAGE.

Oleh itu, aku channelkan segalanya pada dia yang ku chenta dan keluarganya yang lebih prihatin terhadapku.

Jadi, takpelah. Terima Kaseh banyak banyak ye.

" One's trash is indeed another's treasure."
ish ish... tak baek membazir.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 20:10 0 Comments

22.4.10

Slavery Silence

I feel like everybody wants me for themselves; I play my role as a slave for them. Why do they keep on saying he’s not meant for me? How do they know that? Do they know that they’ve broken my heart into small pieces? Pieces, none can pick and mend. I love him deeply but I can’t be with him? How can that be? I love him, is that so wrong? My heart bleeds wide open and still they kept on killing me.

Oh God, please give me the strength to get through this.

Me and him had something was so close to my heart. Something no one else’s been, but only him. I’ll try my best to describe it. But there are no words that can describe how he means to me. We had it all. The bitter, sweet of love, we tasted it all. Nothing compares to him and this feeling is strong for only him to feel. And no matter what they say, he will always have my heart.

Why do they keep on saying I am not the person I used to be when with him? What? You expect me to be your slave for the rest of my life? You wanted me to get a life, and so I did. I wanted a life with him. Yes, we shared a lot of things together. We even shared the same dream. We wanted a future together. This year, we should’ve been engaged. But because of them, we had to delay our intension of tying the knots between us. How devastating it is to us to bare, is harder for him to endure. I’m so sorry for the both of us.

If one day you come to realise that he has always been the one for me, I wonder how you plan to mend our broken hopes and heart. Saying is all you can do, but the rest; the ashes, dusts and burns are left for us to suffer. Just what if that one day had burnt to ashes, what am I left?

Just pieces of our broken heart.

You may stop us neither from seeing nor being around each other. But you can never stop me from loving him or his feelings towards me. Our hearts are our own belongings. It’s not for you to judge or to obstruct. I curse the day you said you hated him, because when you say those words, that was the moment when I hate you even worse!

posted by Faye Kusairi # 19:31 0 Comments

21.4.10

He Is Mad At Me

I think God is mad at me. I’m really ill and He puts me through a hard time with my weaknesses. The way I see it, He had given me two choices; to give up or give in. And I realised that either way, it lead me back to Him. The difference is the ‘time’. If I could not have a home here, then I think He’ll set me home there; with Him.

Like I said, I think He is mad at me and it led me to Him.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 23:13 0 Comments

19.4.10

Just Like The Sea

This is like the sea. I’m swimming in a search of shore. Through the heavy rains and the cruel summer’s sun, I kept on swimming. I can never drown because I kept on floating, even when I needed to rest. I continued to swim. Swam against the tide, I strive in great strength to reach there. Not knowing how does it looks like or how it feels like being there, I still dream of the white sands in my toes.

This is like the sea. And I’m still swimming to shore.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 22:06 0 Comments

17.4.10

Sekali Lagi

Berdirinya aku di pinggir jalan ini sambil melihat hidup ini berlalu. Pilu bersulitkan sepi yang mampu ku rasa. Dan mereka terus berkata, persetankan perasaan itu wahai teman. Selamatkan hari mu.

Kini, lantas hati ku memberontak.
Jika perit perasaan ini untuk merasa, akan ku persetankan ia.
Dan jika aku rebah jua ke tanah, akan ku dongakkan kepala. Persetankan semuanya.
Semata mata untuk ku rasai kebahagian hidup ini.
Izinkan ku merasainya sekali lagi.
Namun kali ini, izinkan ia untuk dirasai selamanya.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 19:13 0 Comments

16.4.10

Endlessly.

Still as vainly I feel since memory took its flight away.

I was consoled by gravity and by gravity, it caught me.

I fell down, dejected by velocity.

And when all was wrought as for only myself to feel, everything was a reek.

But life is already at its toll.

Fatigue drapes me as I pursuit, the price of giving for me to allure.

As my steps affected it, I realised it was never a matter.

Just like the stars in heaven skies, it brings me every colour of beauty.

By no means, it lessens.

For the loyal lovers, it’ll ceaselessly brighten.

The sun will soon abandon the royal warriors,

Soon these rapture stars will tell its story.

And as for every faithful love, this devoted light of heaven stars will glisten.

Just endlessly.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 21:00 0 Comments

14.4.10

Kebarangkalian

Bagaimana jikalau apa yang sedang berlaku ini adalah gara gara orang yang berkelakuan seperti Syaitan, semata mata demi mengecapi kepentingan diri mereka?

Bagaimana jikalau apa yang sedang berlaku ini adalah kerana mereka yang bertopengkan seorang manusia sedang memporak perandakan kita demi melepaskan dendam mereka terhadap aku?

Dan bagaimanakah sekiranya apa yang berlaku ini adalah bertujuan untuk menilai seteguh mana kaseh sayang kita terhadap masing masing?

Sesungguhnya Tuhan itu Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang terhadap hambaNya. Aku percaya apa yang berlaku adalah takdir kita untuk terus bersama.

Namun, walau apapun, akan ku tabahkan hati untuk mengharungi dugaan dan cabaran ini. Kerana aku percaya pada kita, aku percaya pada Tuhan. Aku percaya ikatan ini adalah abadi. Bersama kamu lah, akan ku hembuskan nafas terakhirku dan untuk selamanya, hanya kamu yang bertakhta di hati ini.

Genggamlah tangan ku dengan erat. Naluriku berkata, kamu dan aku akan kecapi kemuncak impian kita. Ku memohon untuk sepelusuk hitam mu itu untuk percayalah.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 01:41 0 Comments

13.4.10

Tisk Tisk

Well, one stress is gone. The car's back and it was such a relief that Daddy paid for the rest of the repairment cost. I even heard my parents said they're going to pay for the paint job as well. *Fiuh!*

Another update today is that Mother is selling her business to I-dont-know-who and I-don't-care. What I know is that I'm done doing all the shits and taking all the craps. If she's selling it, then good riddens! That's it. Finish, Bye-Bye bad pressure and Helo stress-free! *Hooray!*

Now I can really concentrate on what I want and on myself. Yes! Not that I haven't plan anything yet though. I have, but the matter is 'time'. I'm turning 24 next year. Dammit! I'm getting older and have nil achievement. *Sigh*

A dream is only a dream unless you accomplish it.

Faye...Faye.

*Tisk Tisk*

posted by Faye Kusairi # 15:12 0 Comments

F [fucking] B

I wonder how long would it takes me off from FB. It's very tempting though, but yeah. I just hate the drama it caused me. Sometimes it a little too naked and tricky in some ways. Of course, it's how you use it. But seriously, I hate the drama. This say that lah.. That say this lah... Crappy stuff pun want to take heart feelings. Disturbance some more. Though I do not approve strangers, yet still some friends or among people I knew briefly trying to act 'cool' (as in being total loser/poser) with me and end up creating problems. And often I'm being the victim. Then another leads to another. Such Bullshits!

Anyway, FB is always fun for me. I'd reactivate it back one day. It's just that I'm still not sure is it ok or not. I mean, is it safe? As in, less troublesome or will it cause me more problems? I've to weight that consequences properly before reactivating it, most definitely! *Sigh*

For now, I just hope that my 'interest' isn't being 'taking cared' by unwanted and uninvited retards while I'm off. Itu bisa kasi melatopp yo! Heh.

" Do as you please. Fuck the rest ".

I say, " Fuck You! ". Then she goes, " *#%$@*&#* ! ".

Words I just don't quite understand.

*Pfft*

posted by Faye Kusairi # 02:17 0 Comments

9.4.10

No Worries

I know most people don't get us, they don't get you especially. I think both of us realized that even. You're complicated and I'm unpredictable. God created us this way for some reason. Well, it's because I am unpredictable, no one knows what I am capable of.

Quite frankly, I don't even know my endure levels are. As for you, who are complicated, unpredictable people like me might not be noticeable of what I might do next. There's a 50/50 percent that I might change my mind and doing outta the ordinary. Somehow, people like you can understand me. Thus, you manage to keep me stay grounded. Of course, this is only from my point of view. I know how exquisite it is that having you with me in this relationship, even through the ups and downs. That's just how life is. We endure. I'm sure I am a pain in the ass as well towards you most time but still, u kept on loving me, nothing less. And that's all that matters because I love unconditionally too.

My point is, different people posses different kind of affection. None of us understand how each of it works. And for others to speculate on what's not on what we have isn't fair, so I am going to simply ignore it. We have us and us is all we need.

No worries.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 22:59 0 Comments

Swoosh Swoosh!

OK, seriously I don't feel April is a good month at all. Damn! I hate this month, I feel like fast forward to May if I could. Damn Damn Damn!

Anyhow, last night was fun. As usual, KLPHQ was awesome. And so as Sphere. It was my first time watching them play, and I thought it was awesome. So yeah, I had fun. All of the 'Dubuk Muda' was there to support as well. Well, some of them had to perform but everybody came.

Lately since this month had started, I don't feel the usual comfort in my seat. Somehow, I think maybe I'm just being paranoid and naive. I don't know. All I know is that my heart is only for one and we all know who that is by now. Hmm... maybe it's just one of those days. And it happened to be dragging since April swooshed in. FCK! I knew it, I hate April. Heh.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a little too obnoxious at times. So naive of me. I think I've lost my senses or something. I don't know. Today we're having fun, then by tomorrow, shit happens. What a crappy month it is. Heh! Firdaus is very up tied with his work lately, hence he gets less rest. I feel so bad for him coz most morning, he slept late and woke up early.

So, lately I've been thinking of some solutions for next year's planning. Career wise, plus future plannings with Firdaus of course. Everything about me correlates to him. What would I do without him. Anyway, back to the topic. I was making lotsa plans for next year and I really hope it works. So, I've my next year resolutions ready. Insya'allah, with Firdaus with me to keep me flat grounded, I'll manage to clear this year's resolution. So far, so good I may say.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 12:53 0 Comments

8.4.10

Fucking Horns

As children, we used to enjoy playing hide and seek. You count and I'll seek. But as we grow as adults, hide and seek are played with unnoticeable dangerous tact. One who hides are cunning and the one who seeks should be very sharp. Otherwise, one who seeks may be weakened and stomped.

Lets not pretend that it’s not harmless it anyway. I’m a sinner but never is or was a felon. Felon has fucking horn hidden on their perfect little head and we are blinded by their plastic ‘HALO’. Felons are always stunningly pleasing, picturesque and of course, charming. They are the beautiful thieves, the negligent hunters and wicked murderers.

Consequently, the world is filled with dirty people. Though, I reckon it’s not about how filthy their minds are. It’s about how one person created an indecent and unfair motive, hence intentions are there only to kill another as a self satisfaction. A disgrace is a result of such selfishness.

Take a sip of your drink, my friend. This is just something for us to think about.

“Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend.“

The world is filled with dirty people.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 17:28 0 Comments

Nia Nurafea

Indah Sekali

07 - April - 2010

posted by Faye Kusairi # 16:15 0 Comments

7.4.10

Angin Malam

posted by Faye Kusairi # 08:49 0 Comments

6.4.10

Daulat & Derhaka

Idiots!

Don't you know it is dangerous to be messing with sovereigns.

posted by Faye Kusairi # 10:56 2 Comments

3.4.10

Super Stupid Saturday

Good Evening,

Kill the time and sleep through today.

I don't like this Saturday!

Good Morning,

I switch on the lights but I seem to lost my brain.

Can you talk to me to me once again?

Good Afternoon,

shut the curtain and dim the lights.

I can't stand this shaits!

And soon, Good Night.

I said good night, don't pull the sun all through the night.

I want the moon to be where it is because this is my Super Stupid Saturday right?

In a neglected silence, steal a knife later.

To carve a smile on a handsome mask dear.

You know, you are all that matter.

sorry

posted by Faye Kusairi # 16:33 0 Comments

1.4.10

Keindahan Suatu Senja

Tiada apa yang sukar nan serba kekurangan,
untuk suatu hati yang ikhlas untuk bertakhta.

Tiada keperitan,
suatu hati yang setia untuk tidak mampu bertahan.

Tiada pintu yang akan tertutup,
dengan suatu hati yang tabah untuk sedia menerima.

Tiada jalan pintas,
untuk suatu hati yang sabar untuk melangkah kehadapan.

Tiada dinding halangan,
yang mampu menghentikan suatu hati yang sentiasa setia untuk marak.

Dan tiada keburukan,
yang mampu memalapkan keindahan suatu hati yang sinar bercahaya.

Lalu tiadalah keraguan yang membezakan ketulusan suatu hati untuk menembusi segala halangan yang muncul.

Persetankanlah keraguan palsu.
Persetankanlah kekeliruan ikatan lampau.
Dan persetankanlah semua kesilapan.

Percayalah bila aku katakan,
hanya chenta tulus ini mampu mengubat segalanya apa yang kita rasa.

Bukalah mata dan akal fikiranmu.
Nescaya suatu hari, kebahagiaan yang abadi akan kembali dengan keizinanNya.

-Amin-

posted by Faye Kusairi # 13:01 0 Comments