Beautiful Worlds
by Faye Kusairi29.1.10
In a Carefree World
Close your eyes.
Our lips meet in a warm embrace, our body’s close.
I feel your heat.
My hand runs down your back and brushes a cheek.
Passion takes over, all inhabitations lost.
A stealth satisfaction felt together, the world we have lost.
We lay in each other’s arms, our lungs gasping for air.
The night is still young,
and we have not a care to the world once again.
sUKa
What happens if today, the world is suddenly a different place?
What if tomorrow is the day a week before yesterday?
What if today is a skip of the other day of tomorrow?
What if today I live then tomorrow I'm dead?
What a waste of life.
.sUKa.
To Love Is To Suffer
Jealousy is only a good thing when you’re jealous of me. On the other hand, envy can be a positive motivator where it inspires you to work harder for what you want. Anyway, the word "jealousy" is often used as if it were one and the same with envy. Personally, I suppose the difference is worth conserving. Jealousy is being primarily concerned with the fear of losing something one possesses. In contrast, envy is having the wish to own something another possesses.
“ Bring forth that which offends, thus blemish the very moral thread of our being. It may be beaten into submission to which it may cry in mercy for no more. A beg for death only to be put out of its misery. And so, bring forth that which is a curse on humanity. So that it may understand the true meaning of fear and misery as it has imposed upon others. Bring forth the pretentiousness sore of life that it may understand. Its presence disgusts us to the very core of our being to which its presence has ever been welcome in the presence of humanity. Thus this thing of envy shall be sort to the depths of hatred. For eternity it won’t be heard of nor spoken ever again. ”
Set this as a seal upon a thin heart as well as a seal upon a thin arm. Love is strong as death and jealousy is cruel as the burial chamber.
27.1.10
MFS
My heart is only for one, and only one could hold this heart. My soul is now at ease as I found my one and only soul mate. My world will soon be at peace and comfort as it’ll soon sets beyond a shadow of doubt. I trust that life will be better with him for the rest of my life. It is beyond explanations of what and how he means to me. I know I love him deeply. My mind and heart says alike. On a rite of black & white we'll be. There will be no doubts, no uncertainties. Forevermore, we'll walk this path.
Equal, together and always.
26.1.10
I Learned
I learn to believe once again.
I learn to trust and the pure meaning of honesty.
I learn what fear is and how it moves me from one place to another.
I learn that I'm in love once more. I learn to say 'Yes' instead of 'No'.
I learn to make mistakes.
I learn how to feel to accept and receive.
I learn to do things one by one but at the same time, doing it all at once; multitasking.
I learn that to be able to say how much you love, is to love but little.
Finally, I learn that someone wants me to walk with them, side by side, despite every path we choose.
True love is when your heart and your minds are saying the same thing. Thus it is never ending.
24.1.10
Seasons Of Time
I think there is a season for everything,
a time for every matter under heaven which correlates to each matters.
A time to be born, and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to break down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to seek and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away
A time to tear and a time to sew.
A time to keep silence and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
I reckon if only we could stop trying to be happy,
we can often have a pretty good time.
23.1.10
Oddball
You and your eccentric ways drive me crazy today.
There was Watson, then this. Who knows what’s next?
And I thought I was unpredictable. It ain’t cute, that’s for sure. Heh.
Owh... the best part was though I was upset,
still you manage to put a smile on my face, like magic.
I hate the fact that I love you. Do you know that?
22.1.10
XOXO
This entry is to make others feel jealous when I make you feel special by telling I am madly in love with you. Yesterday we met and today you are the only person I've been thinking with a smile on my face. Then tomorrow... feelings that only we know and others to feel curious about.
XOXO.
Nineteen
Dear Nineteen,
I’d let you know before I take my last sigh.
That you are the only key to my heart,
And that the truth is I am yours to begin with.
I want you to know that I will love you still.
Till the time comes I will be with Him;
As all, we are belonged to Him.
If I could ask the Lord above to answer my prayers
that if I could come back, though I know that it wouldn't be fair.
Soon you’ll know that I am happy and safe up high in cloud nine.
I want you to go on living for Him;
Knowing that His light will never dim.
Then someday together, for eternity we'll be.
Till then, the Lord will take care of me.
So keep on watching, I promise it won't be long.
In time from this world, I'll be gone.
Into your arms once again, I will be
Safe, from all the worldly harm.
I love you so,
Nineteen.
21.1.10
Friends to Foes, and against all odds.
I’ve been thinking. Yesterday, friends and strangers smiled at me. They showed their lightest affection and hope for me. Today, people started speculate about my civil status. I made it publically as how and what they expected of me. Yeah, I know we are only human. Humans have a quite high desirability. And so, tomorrow, one desire settled. Then comes another.
Friends, who made an approach as foes, are forbidden to underestimate one’s spirit. We are living each other life’s solely. Boastfulness isn’t what we are carrying. With all due respect, I do understand the speculations and your expectations. Like paparazzi, you’ve eyeing bits and bits of slippery stands for us to fall. It does sadden to see once a friend made such great foes. I would be a mother to you to say that you should be ashamed of yourself by letting resentment overcome your traits. Reality kicks in, we originated in such differ worlds and culture. Hence, we grew in such different traits and intellectuality. So I do understand your issues and I excused your manner with grace. I’d cease all matters but we chose to lay back and observe. It seems the wise thing to do.
If one is to speculate that one will fall over stiff cliffs, then I hope one will laboriously wish not to bear for it to happen because you should understand that this is just beyond reality to inspect. We are what we are against all odds.
Life's Retreat
Once, there lived a man of gloomy traits. Overcast bygones of painful memories he claimed, a living dead residing a life of a being. The story began when he found hope until she walks along his path. His words pushed people away. His days were spent talking of life as if it were some dead thing that interested him in only most abstracts way. He was just a shell field with what others said. A sheep they could lead anywhere they wanted. He filled his head with feigns; believing in lonesome and that he don’t need love to reside. This girl came along in such an unexpected way. So this is his story...
I stayed in aloof. She saw through my lies, I resisted as her hands tried to pull me back in life. I was incapable of committing; correlating with love. I would just hurt her, her lips kept asking – indirectly mostly, but I kept in silence; observing the manner and consequences which I sometimes couldn’t understand. “No” was the only word I knew. She kept asking.
The first moments, I looked at myself. Asking, “What did she see?” My eyes were heir same dull colour. My hair went in as many different directions as it always had. I could still hear her words. Why would she be keen on me? My heart jumped, wanting to know. Her face lost all colour when I finally said. “Yes.”
As I sat next to her with my arm around her (a move copied from some half-remembered movie). I could suddenly see what the couple on the screen were seeing in each other’s eyes. I can still remember the moment when we said goodbyes and the soft glow from the road light. The way our lips fumbled together. Her eyes as they sparkled while she gradually drifted away. I would sell my soul to live this moment again and again. Her giggles will always haunt me.
The world that greeted me the next day wasn’t the same one I’d lived in for years. Something had changed as I drove home with a smile carved in my heart. Suddenly the world became softer, safer. She taught me to listen as I do to her. I could feel what I had tried to ignore my whole life. For the first time a long while, I could talk of myself. My mind started racing. She could care so deeply for me and so I began to give back the love I felt. I caught myself smiling the other day. I’ll probably try it again.
Before, I thought of love as something I could be a friend of, that it will never affect me much ever again; a nuisance. My words would protect me but she helped topple my house of lies. I once again feel love and relive a life I once blocked. She showed me hope and taught me more than any book ever could. I know now that I am in the right path. I’d never know it until I met her.
inspired by A Sweet November.
19.1.10
The Beginning Of An End.
Millions of couples endure the nightmare of relationship breakdown. Even I did. Hence, I even had names. Moreover, we all know that every year the divorce rates show no sign of slowing. It seems that many people find it very difficult to form a lasting and happy relationship.
Without doubt, the single worst way to spoil a relationship is to be argumentative; for the only reason is that you need or want to be right. Argumentative people will argue to the degree where they "win" about everything and anything. They will not listen and consider their partner's viewpoints and will rarely choose to compromise. Any criticism, even if fair and justified will be met with defensive and sometimes angry responses as the need to be right overrides the need to compromise and improve the relationship. We should bear in mind that winning arguments isn't the objective, but what is best for your relationship is that you want it to last.
Respect for each is absolutely fundamental. This means accepting and loving your partner for the wonderful, unique human being they are. However, many people actually believe they "own" their partner, and expect them to conform in ways they deem appropriate. This is more like slavery than love! I would like to high light that your partner is not your private property. They certainly aren't your slave and it isn't conducive to a happy relationship to restrict their freedoms by treating them this way. Your partner may want to grow in ways you may not like or even feel comfortable with but preventing their growth not only stifles them and vice versa. It’s because your partner will treat you in the same way. Instead of restricting each other's freedoms, it is far better encourage your partner to grow and become the person they want to be. Indeed, this is the only way true love can flourish.
They say "all you need is love". Frankly, to me it simply isn't true. Successful relationships require more than love if they are to last. Humans were made in imperfections and all of us have our quirks and habits that can grate on our partners. Life also throws us some pretty trying times and getting through these times takes determination and hard work and many relationships flounder during such times. Along with the changes we all have to deal, you can only see love while it’s there and acknowledge that it isn't the only ingredient needed for a successful relationship.
Keeping the spark alive in a relationship is something many couples fail to do. Satisfaction sets in, you start to take your partner for granted and gradually, the spark fades and dies. It's so easy to fall into the contentment trap and the result is you stop making an effort for your partner. Your appearance changes, you don't go out as much, and lots of other activities you used to do have been ditched. The mystery has gone, the challenge has gone, and the spark just isn't there! Keep it alive by making the effort to do new things, to enjoy new adventures and remember to do things separate from each other as well as with each other and you'll reap the rewards.
Moreover, routines also kill relationships in double quick time, they are that bad. Ok, we all need a certain amount of routine in our lives but when there is so much routine life becomes totally predictable, the boredom critter creeps in and eats away at your relationship. Imagine being in a relationship where you do the same things each and every week, nothing new is tried, no excitement, no adventure, and no buzz! You know what happens to a garden if it isn't watered? It withers and dies. That's what's happening here. Make the effort to keep the spark alive by doing and enjoying new experiences and keep the boredom critter away. Effort people, effort!
And so, this is somewhat experiences I learned with my special someone. I hope one day you could experience it as well. Indeed, we are in bliss at these point despites all circumstances. And guess what?
I believe this is just the beginning of an absolute greatness.
Undo Me
On such random day,
Would you undo me if I dry my hair using the vacuum cleaner?
As we spend a Sunday evening together,
Would you undo me if I replied you in ridiculous answer when you asked me for your phone?
Despite the fact that we are humans,
Would you undo me if I am a book or a stone?
Through a staunch habit,
Would you undo me when I’m preposterously in a hyper itchiness?
Above all cost,
Would you undo me while we walk through this path of life?
When that one day arrives,
Would you undo me after I take my last sigh in these present days?
Devoid of all uncertainties,
Would you undo me when your darkest throb has turned to glint?
For the foreseeable future,
I can’t ever want for a better soul mate.
Ad infinitum, if this is a vow,
With or without you, we are here to stay.
Would you give yourself away?
18.1.10
Shah & Dy
Yesterday, my best friends got married. I felt really honoured having the opportunity to manage their wedding day even though on a such short notice. I was there for them when things got ugly at the very last minute. I felt so reliable and it meant the world to me that they look for me when in times like this. Of course I was overwhelmed by nerves and worries of how the big day's gonna turn out to be.
Well, after yesterday, I think everything turns out to be smooth. Everything was in order and went on time. Shah and Dy expressed gratitude every quick time I passed by. I end my responsibilities with a karaoke ( a request from the Groom). I still sick and damn tired yesterday but I was really happy. I saw my bestest friends got married and even helped them on their big day. Indeed I am overwhelmed looking at them walking on the isle, I feel so relieved and touched. I felt to thankful of knowing them, loving them like my own blood; relatives and watching them finally opening a new book of their new life together. Such a wonderful feeling on a beautiful scene.
My dears, Thank you for your trust and love. I wish and hope only the best for you both. May Allah bless you with all goodness in health, prosperity and life. Loves from me and you know I always will.
Mr. & Mrs. Shah Hafizul Manzar
16.01.10
15.1.10
Radar
Partly irritated, I’m no good in managing resentment; my mind swirls profusely. I’m keeping it centred as long as I could but I realise that at the end of the day no point of hiding the overwhelming emotion. Stupid ego, dippy subject, imprudent comrade, idiotic mindful substance! *Sigh*
Shall I not say much or shall I not say anything at all? I’d put a mirror to reflect your unjustly naive deed. But if I do so, I could not see any grounds for me to hang about. Be wary of what you are exploiting. You never know what will soon evolve in a negligent jiffy. I’m sick; hence I’m speaking mindless traits. But I’m pretty aware of what’s going on and under the radar.
Haven’t you notice? I am the radar.
A Pure Belief
Love is when a "Hello" makes your heart jump with happiness when you're with someone and your company makes you feel good and happy. A simple look that says I LOVE YOU in no need for words; a kiss to feel the touch of his lips on yours makes you experience thousands of sensations within you. Feelings that only you can feel it.
A hug makes you more attached to it, where you hear the beat of his heart and your breathing so calm in tranquillity of the moment. You can feel the warmth of his body, his heart, his soul and it makes you feel secure before anything happens in that time and never want to separate yourself from it. It’s the warmth of a caress you feel completely comfortable when you invade the sadness. There are so many details that describe each one, not ever end up.
Love is something that cannot be explained, because each person has their own conception of it. I know it's just something that makes you feel so full. Without love, the world would be totally gray as if we lived with black and white images. Without that light, without those shades, and those colours that make your life filled with joy, peace and composure.
Love is something that gave us life to share with those who are a part of our life which were crossed on our walk through life. Mostly, the more it grows and grows, it will never disappear.
Love is the light of life. Thus, love increases our life’s quality. Having a healthy relationship makes a happier life. My belief is the stronger the commitment is, the greater the happiness you hold. I hold a dream and I believe everyone does.
I’ve witness and too, living my dream. Therefore, I’ll be more than pleased to tell you that dreams do come true. You just have to believe that it’s true.
They say seeing is believing.
But in love, to feel is a pure belief.
13.1.10
Poltergeist of Yesteryears
She said she's fine; that it's better this time.
But her face, she cried furrowed with fuss.
She got ill and had lost all the will.
She refused to comprehend, the bones showing in her hands.
She dreams of elfin, thus vows she won’t consume.
Wasted away in her skin, needing to be lean.
Her life is so distraught, of famine she has been taught.
From a damaged self form; a need to be perfect is born.
Hollywood is what they crazes, now horror is the only thing she sees.
Hatreds of her reflection aren’t in perfections.
Feigning is no big treaty, she congest consumptions vary.
How long can she last?
She was in such a harsh fast.
Forever more, Faye K.
12.1.10
23 I Love You
This is what I learned about I Love You’s for 23 years on earth.
I Love You, my love is unreasonable.
I Love You, There is nothing in my life I’d like to change.
I Love You, You know what is important.
I Love You, You make me feel vital.
I Love You, Your voice is the sweetest music for me.
I Love You, You make me feel so tender and gentle.
I Love You, You give me freedom.
I Love You, You make me laugh so sincerely.
I Love You, Your kisses are the sweetest thing.
I Love You, You made my dreams come true.
I Love You, You are the one I can trust and rely on.
I Love You, You can understand me without any words.
I Love You, You are the one who makes me feel complete.
I Love You, You make me want to wake up in the early morning to kiss your eyes.
I Love You, Your body is just made to fit mine.
I Love You, The minutes with you are so precious.
I Love You, You make me move on.
I Love You, You are made to be loved by me.
I Love You, I want to get older and count our wrinkles together.
I Love You Still, even if you’ll be toothless soon.
I Love You, We’ll live our life together.
I Love You, I want to make you the happiest man ever.
I Love You, Thank you that you are in my world, life and forever.
Bygone Be Gone
So here’s something I wanted to share with you guys. I’ve a sickness. Yea, you heard me, I’m sick. For the past few years, I’ve been taking more than one different tablets and kinds of medicines for me to counter my condition. Pretty much, I’ve been battling this disease for a quite some time now. Eventually, I’ve never did give up on myself and continuously searching of some kind of remedy of this disease.
As you know, one only can live one lifetime. Life’s too short for us to take for granted. So I am not planning to quit life that easily. Well, minus some bumps I made in those previous year of my puerile time. I didn’t know exactly what I was thinking (Boys and girls DO NOT TRY IT EVER! – you know what I mean)
Shits like that won’t help even for a bit! Anyhow, it was a good lesson learnt. So, up to now, I appreciate life more than I usually do. Those trifling days are over. It was last year when I discover what I needed. I stopped taking the previous meds because it wasn’t helping much. Meds gone bad if I may say~
After that, I stayed for a bit while I let my body to heal naturally. Eventually I discovered something interesting. I learned that I no longer need to take those meds to heal but I found a supplement to fix my weaknesses.
*Pfft*
*sigh*
After that, I stayed for a bit while I let my body to heal naturally. Eventually I discovered something interesting. I learned that I no longer need to take those meds to heal but I found a supplement to fix my weaknesses.
Today, for nearly every day I’ve to take my daily dose of this supplement. Well, eventually I think the supplement is working quite tremendously. It’s been going on for months now and I’m glad that I feel healthier than ever. I’ve no more eating disorder, lack of sleeps; I’m no longer having depressions and so on. It’s amazing that this wonder enhancement could fix me thoroughly. I would babble around talking about it, but I think, naa... I’d rather keep it to myself.
May I say, “One’s waste is another one’s treasure!”. I’m happy with my life now. Despite neither every ups and downs I’ve been through nor I’m going through at this very moment, I now know that I have the strength to move on. I am able to recognise myself as a survivor of this appalling trait and I pledge myself to live a greater happier life with this add-on bonus of a staggering wonder.
May I say, “One’s waste is another one’s treasure!”. I’m happy with my life now. Despite neither every ups and downs I’ve been through nor I’m going through at this very moment, I now know that I have the strength to move on. I am able to recognise myself as a survivor of this appalling trait and I pledge myself to live a greater happier life with this add-on bonus of a staggering wonder.
Regret no more; long live an honest life!
11.1.10
Hell's Rapture
Unaccompanied in a lifeless house
my thoughts soon starts to move stealthily.
Of appalling deeds done in the past
who knows how many broken hearts has blunted this fatigued soul?
Silence was broken only by the sound of a ticking clock,
with random strikes of lightning; giving phantoms glowing in shocks.
Darkness taken over and it will soon come to an end.
Of all haunting laughs that I tried to woo,
the time has come to place it in box down six foot hole.
If one of those shallow souls had tried to take my hand
this desperate deep demeanour might have left me.
But the sand falls slowly in an hourglass
When the last fleeting grain falls through,
there's nothing left to subsist for.
So this nightmare will come true
As I prepare the cup I drink, the tears I left my eyes,
I taste the poison leaning back and will soon breath that one last sigh.
The pain I leave behind me now will nevermore return.
Off to depths of agony I go,
For eternally I raze.
A Notwithstanding Barricade
Looking into those glittering eyes; a mesmerizing smile carved on a sadden face of yours. It left me in quietens of such stillness. A great meaning of affections arose when you hold me tightly in your arms. I’d utter vivid expressions to you; words only I could own for you, though it’s loading heavily for me to enlighten. You’ve always been the one I wanted the most. To be present and with me at this juncture of life, in every step I’m taking. I want to be in secure of an emotion of God’s willing; the reason of my being is for you eternally. You are the only one I desire, even though time is profoundly decreasing and my soul is torn in shreds, blighted in albeit. Despites time, substance and death, you should know that I’ll be in consistently loving you;
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always.
9.1.10
Learn to Listen
What difference does it makes if I decided to change my mind now?
Where the other facts that people tend to forget when things went wide away?
Why does it seem that people do not realise that they just simply unaware of what the truth offers?
When will you understand that there are precision that you might not comprehend yet?
How does validity work if you only have one ear from one mind?
Would you be able to settle in reality?
Which one will you prefer, over heart and brain?
Are you eligible to choose?
Will you ever learn?
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ask, will utter & tell, will know
"only the rich ones have choices, for the poor ones to learn"
- k n o w l e d g e -
8.1.10
Stagger
Dear Stagger,
It's like yesterday I didn't even know your name.
It's like yesterday I didn't even know your name.
Now, today you are always on my mind.
I never could have predicted that I'd feel this way.
I am intoxicated every time I hear your voice
you’ve got me on a natural high, almost like I didn't even have a choice.
Whatever it is that you came to teach me
I am here to learn it because I believe that we are written in bliss.
I don't know what the future holds but I'm living in the moment.
And I'm thankful for the man that you are,
you are everything I ask for in my prayers.
So I know my angels brought you to my life.
Your energy is healing to my soul.
You are an inspiration to my life.
You are an inspiration to my life.
You are the reason why I smile.
You are certainly a breathtaking stagger!
Afay
In this entire world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine,
because I alone chose it.
I own everything about me.
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice and all my actions,
whether they be to others or to myself.
I own all my triumphs and successes.
I own all my failures and mistakes.
It’s because I own all of me.
He, Who Fits Me Unconditionally.
I'd like to share some what things I've discovered about what I want and what I see. "He" is no longer is anybody, yet "he" is someone to me. What differ him from others is that I always know what they are thinking, and when they open their mouth, they say exactly what I imagined they would. He is like pomegranates: most of them are impossible to digest, but the seeds are delicious.
They say that boys will always be boys but he’s just like a John Mayer’s song; “Your body is a wonderland”. He loves to explore my essence and conquer my soul all at once. He’s in often of leaving me speechless, but quite effortlessly he sets me to make him in a domestic state of mine; a heart that I can feel belonged to and likewise to him. I believe that a man’s biggest fear is not being a man. He’d do absolutely everything possible to try to hide his weaknesses; such an egoist.
He has always been a shoulder where I can rest my head and sleep without much effort. Eventually he is someone I can rely on today, tomorrow, the next day or years to come. Preposterously he is “incredibly courageous” in front of insects especially roaches. *pfft*
He is quite sensible. Reminiscent of me, he’d either preferably to be wisely honest or stall and in refuse to lie about most things. Despite everything, he indisputably confessed that any guy can’t live without a woman.
I truly love him, because he could make me feel feminine. He is akin to the mirrors that reflect my beauty. Bizarrely, I learnt that he’d be the other half that make my life complete. So, now you know why “He”, who fits me unconditionally.
6.1.10
Brain Freeze!
Yeah, Hell yeah.
And so came along; an ASS walks into the office. He went passed my cubical, I just gave him a cold yet sweetest smile. He enter his room of visible walls. I still can see him through the blinds.
and all I can think is burning him into ashes and blow him away to hell where he belongs.
I heard laughters from him. He's on the phone looking away to the view of his huge glass window. Enjoying KLCC view from here.
and all I can think is pushing him off the 9th floor of Pavilion retail office block.
Now he's sitting on his brown chair, relaxing. And came out an ass kisser from his office, telling me I should ask him whether not he wants tea or not? I answered, " Why should I?".
and all I think is smashing him with my bare hands with only his cup of tea.
So yeah, Hell yeah! I am having a fun day at work.
.La.La.La.La.
.i.H o p e.Y o u.D i e.S l o w l y.Y o u.S t u p i d.A s s.
3.1.10
Mama Do
Today is a Sunday. A day to put my mind at ease by maybe, doing something fun. Well, naturally I was born energetic and a lil hyper. So, yea. I have to somehow drain my energy. Or otherwise, I'll become passive for the rest of the day and feeling fat crappy! *sigh*
Mama woke me up early for breakfast. Only the four of us; Yan, Mama, Edeh & myself. Edeh had to leave early because he had to go to work; day shift. So, Yan. Mama and me had a mild conversation about relationships. From Acik Yetty's son; Faiz, Edeh's relationship with Mimi and of course, mine. So sweet of them to worry about me. Well, the conversation started about Edeh & Mimi. As usual, Mama complained about Mimi went over-board controlling Edeh and that she disapproved their relationship. I do agree with what we had conversed and so do Yan.
Personally, I reckon that based on Edeh's relationship with Mimi for the past year has too many complication. If I were him, I'd take a step backwards and respect my family, especially my parents counsel. Yea, of course it's ardous or seems unfair. But I personally reckon that parents have the privellege to say or give wise advices for us to follow through. I believe that they do know better about most things about us. All they want is the best for us. As childrens, no matter how old or aged we are, we should learn to appreciate our parents as long as they exist in this surface of earth. I mean, where else would we go to tell some what personal matters and get trustable advices from? To me, my parents are a living encyclopedia; my living life dictionary.
Anyway, back to the conversation I had with my parents earlier. Mama slowly asked me about my current social status. She was being very respectful by not directly giving a question about who am I currently seeing. Out of flaws and all, she knows what I had been through. So I kept in silence; waiting for her advice or her piece of mind. After a while, she told me that I am now eligible to be with someone. That I deserve someone that has potentials of taking care of me and making me to stay put. In another word is to manage me. She knows that I can manage others but often fails to manage myself; the only reason I am unpredictable and indecisive. She even told me that I've got at least 2 years of chances to be 'tasteful' about life and relationships. Outlandishly, what she told me was merely what I had been thinking and setting my life for this year. So basically, this is what I want, what I need and as well are my parents. I am happy when my family are as well.
And so to conclude, I feel very lucky to have such cool parents; a father who offer privelleges in life and a mother who cares deeply about her childrens. I believe I am well aligned for the future with their help. Respectably, I prioritise my family especially Mama. She showed me to understand what love is and how life creates the world around us. Mama knows best. Mama Do.
2.1.10
Wisdom of Love
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty or fifty. Maybe more words of the foolish into the bin, overtaken by the pain of no love today. There are no words now for the truth that follows the words into “nowhere”. From where they surprisingly came, to spin webs of deceit and lies in the heart of one so inclined to believe in the wisdom of love. How foolish it is when decreed is the walk to the garbage bin, to discard the junk and disembark from the round-about of belief. It was a walk and alight of difficulty for the heart heavy and burdensome. Acknowlegding of the completion that yet brings its own release. In such way of no love, clouding the view beyond the blue and root itself in the earth. So all who walk there on will realise that love’s a transitory energy, unable to shatter of foolish hazard!
Thou Shall Cherish Life
If I could grip whole of you, I would. But such selfishness doesn't exist in my world, nor yours. I'm into deep now, but realising what the present is giving, it may give us a dire impact in the future. It’s such a shame to know that what we have now could not last. I know that you’ve been thinking about this matter as well. I understand that this situation is just not in our side of the line. Naturally, the words to utter is “This is just unfair!”.
I’d cry a river; one that leads to your ocean. Up to this state of mind, I don’t know whether do you or do you not realise that in time, I’ll soon turn into dust. It hurts alot to watch time passes by, knowing that something we used to have and to see everyday, to feel and to have feelings for, be gone in a blink of an eye. Honestly, I’d choose to decease rather than to be in this consequence one more time. I’d separate my soul and depart from my remain, letting my heartbeat to come to an end and let my spirit to rest in concord; to be in freedom from strife.
With all honesty, I could taste the pain as in right now. At this very moment, I know we should be tasting the sweeter part of the present being. Though in much differ scenario for me, I go vice versa. Truthfully, I can bare to be broken again. I’ve been broken too many times now. And yes, I do realised that I am to be blame upon all the broken pieces. But this time, I do not want to play the broken hearted one anymore. No more. I don’t wanna be torn apart. I don’t wanna be apart from you. I don’t even want a life without having you around me. I feel so sorry for us. I reallly do.
What is there to choose if this road is leading us to no where? Would you waste your time and effort on this way of an endless puzzle? Two things I know is that I honestly don’t know and I honestly love you. I never wanna let you go. But situation is just not on our side. It’s so unfair. You’re the only one I really feel to love and to be loved.
So, congrats dear. You’re the first to succeed on making me loving you so much to not even letting myself to let you go. Such selfishness just isn’t me. I can’t make you choose me over them. I feel sorry for us. I love you this much to respect what ever you see, think and feel; what ever it takes to ease your pain, I’ll value. For you are so precious to me dear.
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