Beautiful Worlds
by Faye Kusairi29.11.09
Fat Is Your Worse Enemy!
Give me the strength and time to stay away.
From all the goodies in the fridge,
to keep me looking that way!
The chocolate and the frostings,
that all taste so sweet.
That extra bag of candy left from trick and treat!
My mouth is watering and trying to give in.
But my tights are staring up at me.
WARNING! It's a sin!!!
My tummy sure is growling and turning to and fro.
But my sag there just laughs,
it don't need to grow!
After all of this,
a running through my mind.
Ah hell! I'll start tomorrow.
For now, it's quiting time.
Able
Sometimes I ponder about what will come next.
When will my life turn when it seems to stall?
When isthe next time I will smile again?
And how will I get up?
Should I fall?
Hapiness filles me with a touch of sadness. By that I mean I know it can't last. Beauty decays. Laughter subsides.
When will the stone cast?
Tragedy can be measured by the amount of happiness taken away. Elusion is our only protection. As we fall victim to its prey. So, when I've reached a fork in life's road and the choices are many of few. I follow the one that leads away from misfortunes. That's all i can really do.
When life is good,
I hold it in my hands.
I close my eyes and I breath it in.
Glistening
Telling the truth won't do. For that was suppose to be a surprise, God alone knows that I really wanted to make a change. I wanted to be the first to greatly surprise you. But it all fell on me and I feel like simply taking my life away. Though it won't help and God forbid. I know exactly how you feel about me. For it's not the time it's happening. And I doubt it you'd ever give me a genuine smile again. I'm sorry from the bottom most part of my heart. And it was never meant to be this way. And it will never happen. But though, I'll hurt you and I'm also hurt. I still love myself for I sacrficed myself. I went beyond my pride to make it worth. Though, I realised that soon, all will gone through and wasted. God had a perfect reason for it and from someone who craze and frankly love you, I'll miss you. You were and always have been sweet. I'll miss the way we use to drive around the city. I'll miss your tender touch, comforts and more, so I will definitely miss u dearly. I know I'll never ever will be able to be with you. But I'll pray for whoever loves you, better love you deeply; just like I would. Cause one day, you'll realise I love you, care for you. But now, if it's time to move on, I loved you. As long as your happy, I'm happy too. One thing for sure, I'll desperately miss you so.
28.11.09
Dear Friends
Dear friends,
First and formost, I'd like to express great apology to some friends who get me at the wrong impression. I enjoy your company and our friendship means a great deal as well as our time spent along the duration of time we've known each other. I meant no harm nor hurting anybody's feeling, as well as making you feel out of the ordinary and making your thoughts outta track.
Secondly, I hope you know by now, that I do not feel comfort in having you (a dear friend) to have such feelings towards me. Unfortunately for me, I could not have affections towards anyone. Though, fortunately for you, I am being frankly and with great honest, I am telling you, my friends, that I am incapable of loving. With this, I hope it is not too late for me to frain you of being hurt by me.
Furthermore, I hope you can keep away your thoughts and feelings to yourself if you do enjoy having me as a friend. In some case (in my experiences), you may take me as a foe. For what I care, is my feeling as a friend for a friend. But dear friends, I hope we could remain as friends, close friends but not foes. I have great respects towards our friendship and I hope you have the same respect as I do.
Sorry is all I am saying. And I only hope for the best for both of our future because right now, all I really know is, I am incapable of loving, handling relationships, commitments & I am trying to regain my strength after a residing a new chapter of my life. I am struggling to focus on myself right now, and I do not find the time to focus on others.
Again, I am teribbly sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy having me as a friend. I mean no harm but only an affection of a dear friend.
With this, I express my gratitude.
With Love,
Faye K.
A Reminder
I've been thinking lately. As we lay here quietly, I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you. Your smile, it teased at me seductively. Your laugh, I admire the way it tempted me. Your eyes, it never fails to hypnotize me. The more I think of it in silent, I was reminded of all the reasons why I'd love you. Your smile brings such life into me. Your laugh, it makes everything okay and your eyes, they seem to read my thoughts. And now as we stand here, I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you. Your smile, it confuses me. Your laugh, it seems to mock me. And your eyes, they can look into mine and not to feel a thing. And as I sit here alone; thinking. So I conclude, you are the only person who fails to bore me.
27.11.09
Touched
Life is so unpredictable. Changes always come along, in big or small ways. I don't know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down. I don't know exactly what it is, it just hit me, but there is something really special about you.
It might be all the things I see on the surface, the things that everyone notices and admires about you. Qualities, capabilities and a wonderful smile obviously connected to a warm and loving heart. Frankly, these things set you apart from everyone else. But it may also be the big things; the person you really are, that I hope to know more someday. And it might also be the little things; the way you walk and all your actions. I receive so much joy just being able to see a smile in your eyes. If I ever figure out the magic that makes you so special, I'd probably find out that it's a combination of all these things. You are a rare combination of so many special things. You are really amazing.
Inside of me there is a place where my sweetest dreams reside. Where my highest hopes are kept alive. Where my deepest feelings are felt. And where my favorite memories are safe and warm. I find that you're on my mind more often than any other thought. Sometimes I bring you there purposely just to make my day brighter. But more often, you surprise me and find your own ways into my thoughts. There are even times when I awaken, I realize that you've been a part of my dreams. Then during the day, when my imagination runs free, it takes me into your arms and allows me to linger there knowing there's nothing I'd rather do. I know my thoughts are only reflecting the affectionating hopes of my heart because whenever they wander, they always take me to you.
Only the most special things in my world get to come inside my heart and stay.
And now, I realize how deeply my life has been touched by you.
Especially for you. "Close your eyes and you'll know it".
25.11.09
Secrecy
I've led you in; in secrecy.
Nothing else that you should know.
This is what I hold, a secret.
I shall whisper to you only. And only to you I tell.
I've led you in; in secrecy.
Into my territory and into my land.
Voices from my thick wall screams as it falls into the ground.
Since I've led you in.
In secrecy, I let you be my only,
deep dark secret.
24.11.09
Created, For A Special Purpose.
I'll walk beside you but I'll never hold your hand.
I'll talk to you but I'll never tell you anything.
I'll care for you but I'll never love you.
I'll be good but not for you.
I'll sit with you but not next to you.
I'll sing along with you but not for you.
I'll cry with you but not for you.
I'll dream for you but I'm not gonna dream about you.
I'll share something with you but I'm not gonna share anything with you.
I'll pray for you but I'm not gonna wish for you.
With these ten things, I can make you feel special but I can't be special for you.
I HAVE A HUGE EGO.
Heh!
I'll talk to you but I'll never tell you anything.
I'll care for you but I'll never love you.
I'll be good but not for you.
I'll sit with you but not next to you.
I'll sing along with you but not for you.
I'll cry with you but not for you.
I'll dream for you but I'm not gonna dream about you.
I'll share something with you but I'm not gonna share anything with you.
I'll pray for you but I'm not gonna wish for you.
With these ten things, I can make you feel special but I can't be special for you.
I HAVE A HUGE EGO.
Heh!
Broken Hearted Girl
I don't know where to start.
I don't know what else to say either.
I just don't know. I'm so dissapointed.
I'm so upset.
I'm so hating myself now.
I hate you Faye!
Even I can hurt myself. Why not you?
Even I can't love myself. Why not you?
Even I can't even be happy for myself. And why not you??
I have nothing to offer myself. I have nothing to offer you either.
Stupid laughter, I HATE YOU!
Who am I to say you need me? I don't even need me.
Who am I to say you love me? I don't know anything at all.
I'm broken and I can't even fix myself. How can you?
Ask yourself, how?
How??
......
Thought so.
You can't.
So here, I'm left alone.
Again.
11.11.09
Come Away With Me
Did you ever wish that at one point of your life that you are living in a movie? Or maybe your life is like what you see in the movies. Life is altered the way we want it to be. It goes the way we want it to be. The way it should be, with the people in their various different exciting characters. A story consist of a hero and heroin, where they are made for each other. Fairy tales. Love story. Comedy. Stories of sentimental values, it creates memories. May it be bitter nor sweet, it doesn't matter. If life is nothing but a movie we play, then we'll be living in a great fantasy.
I'm in the mood of sentiment. Listening to Norah Jones singing, "come away with me in the night.. Come away with me and I will write you a song..." The rain pours outside since noon; it sets the atmosphere a little chilly today. And I'm writing my thought while eating slices of white breads with butter spreads. I think of you and smile, while Aunty Linda's watching the TV while waiting for the clock to strike 8pm; closing time.
Sitting here, I finally found the time to discover that I do have a huge ego. Now that I’m letting my guard down, dare I tell you what’s been on my mind. I totally understand what the consequences of our being. I am pleased to know that you abide by the rule and yes, you earned my respect. You just made your point of proving me of why not you aren’t any typical person that I previously think you were. You prove me wrong and I’ll admit it, you are one hell of a person. You are smarter and wiser among the others I know. It is such a great coincidence to have knowing you.
I feel silly sharing all of these, but like I said before. I’m in the mood of sentiment. Maybe it’s just the weather, or maybe it’s just simply you. Either way, I feel like a kid again. But in the same time, I am growing and facing in another phase in life. As you know, I am no longer working for my mother. I just finished updating and creating a new CV. I’m still planning out some stuff in order for me to straighten up my life again. Frankly, only now I can feel like I am on the right track and back on my feet. Hopefully everything will work out smoothly as time goes by.
I'm in the mood of sentiment. Listening to Norah Jones singing, "come away with me in the night.. Come away with me and I will write you a song..." The rain pours outside since noon; it sets the atmosphere a little chilly today. And I'm writing my thought while eating slices of white breads with butter spreads. I think of you and smile, while Aunty Linda's watching the TV while waiting for the clock to strike 8pm; closing time.
Sitting here, I finally found the time to discover that I do have a huge ego. Now that I’m letting my guard down, dare I tell you what’s been on my mind. I totally understand what the consequences of our being. I am pleased to know that you abide by the rule and yes, you earned my respect. You just made your point of proving me of why not you aren’t any typical person that I previously think you were. You prove me wrong and I’ll admit it, you are one hell of a person. You are smarter and wiser among the others I know. It is such a great coincidence to have knowing you.
I feel silly sharing all of these, but like I said before. I’m in the mood of sentiment. Maybe it’s just the weather, or maybe it’s just simply you. Either way, I feel like a kid again. But in the same time, I am growing and facing in another phase in life. As you know, I am no longer working for my mother. I just finished updating and creating a new CV. I’m still planning out some stuff in order for me to straighten up my life again. Frankly, only now I can feel like I am on the right track and back on my feet. Hopefully everything will work out smoothly as time goes by.
10.11.09
Forsake Us
Whenever time is crutial for me to be with you,
Time is cruel for me to be there for you.
Often I try to be the best
The affections, I'd give you to have the best.
But forgive me for this,
For my time is only for seconds to last.
God forsaken, we are forbidden.
I could not afford to have you, to care of your affection.
Even for my heart endearing for you, in needing of you.
I could not let you to be hurtful having me.
As the flame slowly turn into dust
In time, I will soon dust away.
With all honesty, I hope for pure bliss upon you.
And often I will be the best,
I'd give you the best for you to have.
But please, forgive me
For my time is only for seconds to last.
For God forsaken, we are forbidden.
I could not afford to have you, to care of you.
Even if my heart wants you and in craving of you.
I could not let it be hurtful.
So let it rust. Dust it away.
For God forsaken.
We are forbidden.
Just You
You.
You made me floating high.
High, High! I'm flying high in ecstasy.
In ecstasy of you.
You!
You made me lost.
I'm so lost. Lost in a blissful space.
Space. A forest of thousand feelings.
You, you and only you.
I'm in ecstacy of you.
La la la la.. sing!
I'm smiling for you.
La la la la.. sing!
I'm smiling upon you.
La la la la.. tease!
I'm smiling in front of you, near you.
Watcha gonna do?
Tell me watcha gonna do?
I'm so high, I could reach the sky.
I went over the moon, I could touch the sun.
I'm so high. So high in the sky. Oh high!
In ecstacy of you.
And you.
You, you, you and only you.
You...
And just You.
8.11.09
Stole
Smile to me, the way you use to. I like the way I feel just watching you. Little black butterfly flew freely inside of me. Hidden away but your still the one I look and adore.
I love the way your hair flows. Your eyes, it pierced into one's heart. I think you barely realise the fact that you are what I say of you. The sweetest sin I taste in a sinfully joy I feel.
Something was stolen and I didn't tell you about it. The sky became cloudy and then the rain falls on the other side of the land. A territory once had one attention, now became divided.
We hold an oath that one will never fall. Shunning the circumstances aren't as how I pictured it to be. I fell off from the the sky but my soul was left floating.
I became a thief. Stealing lies and the truths, I am in greed. I stole the rain for me and the land stole my depth of seas.
I love the way your hair flows. Your eyes, it pierced into one's heart. I think you barely realise the fact that you are what I say of you. The sweetest sin I taste in a sinfully joy I feel.
Something was stolen and I didn't tell you about it. The sky became cloudy and then the rain falls on the other side of the land. A territory once had one attention, now became divided.
We hold an oath that one will never fall. Shunning the circumstances aren't as how I pictured it to be. I fell off from the the sky but my soul was left floating.
I became a thief. Stealing lies and the truths, I am in greed. I stole the rain for me and the land stole my depth of seas.
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