Beautiful Worlds
by Faye Kusairi28.9.09
I Feel Like A Balloon
I've started working out yesterday. Today as well, so I feel a bit bloated now. Because of the muscles expend and i can feel my fat burning. Haha... Yes! Damn you chocolates, raya cakes, cokes, and sweet thingies! heh.
Yesterday evening I started my belly dance workout and then I end it with some yoga. Then in the evening, a lil bit of kick boxing aerobic routine. Today, I started playing badminton. And dammit! I forgot to bring my nike's, so I borrowed my mum's badminton shoes. And yes, it ain't my size. I ought to buy a new pair, maybe just a simople & cheap ones (since I am unemployed now). Hehh. Then, by 7.30pm, I end my healthy day with some non-stop laps swim. Haa... I feel healthy already, but I do feel bloated with muscles everywhere. My body surely be aching by tomorrow. I'll go for yoga for these couple of days, then start back with my swimmings, badminton and all. Yay!
I H E A R T M I R I . . ! ! !
A Confession
Here's a confession I need to make. This thing has been going on for quite some time already, but I strongly think it's genatic. I think I posses a mild complications of hearing. In another simpler words, I have sound trouble!
Yes, you heard me but I can barely hear you properly. I dunnu whether it's my mind which always went away or just simply my ear dumbs isn't working at its best. I dunnu. Funny incidents had happened towards random people.
First, there was my beloved cousin. She was chillin' reading the newspaper in the Job seeking section while I was lying on the sofa wathing TV after lunch. Then I heard she said she wanted to drink. To be precise, she said, "Kalau buat teh O limau ais pun best jugak!". So, I told her, "ha.. ade limau lam peti ais tu. Ko buat la sendiri. Aku penat dowh!". She looked at me and laugh histerically. I paused and in curiousity looking at her. Wondering what's wrong with her. Rupenye, I was the person that's having a problem! She was actually tell me, "Kalau jadi tele-marketer pun best jugak!". Hahahaha! Ape lah telinge aku ni ha...
Second incident was with her as well. We went to an Arab restaurant and we ordered some food. As our food arrived, I started to dig in. My cuz was telling me, "Makanan Arab ni pedas ke?". I pun selamber lah answer.... "Mane de pedas sangat dowh!". Hehh. She laughed at me and said.. "Memang sah ko ni pekak dowh!". Hahahaha!! She was actually telling that she wanted to order plain water. Try to imagine, how sideways did my mind or my hearing went! HEHH!
Yesterday incident was funny as well. After chilling by the beach with some entourage of mine, we then went to a restaurant called, "Muara". There, we ate Chicken Lalapan; which is the BOOM BOOM PAW! Then our breath & palms stinks belacan! Hehh. So, one of my friend was talking to another friend of a friend. They were taking about how does he commute from his home in KK to Labuan. Then suddenly I heard he said he used "space". I kept quiet for a while then until to a certain time I was too curious and ask him, "Space tu ape babe?". Then my friends laughed at me and by then I realised (AGAIN), I wrongly heard him. He mentioned "EXPRESS BUS". I heard he said "SPACE"! OMG... Hahaha...
So, with my friend recommandation, he told me to write about it. And with this, I did. Happy giggling reading this y'all. Wassalam! HEH!
Thanks to Lukman Hakim who inspired me to write about my Hearing Problem.
27.9.09
MTHRFCKR
I need to let my mind, body and soul to rest. I want to lay my poor head and loaded mind on your lap. Ease my swirling mind with your calmness and cool embrace. You'd smoke in your coolness act and I lay quietly, I'll feel the world stopped for a while. I'll be in my bubble and you'll stay in silence. You'll have me hear to the music. And we left in silence, rocking away in silence. I need to let my mind, body and soul in rest. All I can do is to ilusionate. Imagining I'm there and you'll always hope that I'll be ok. I wish...
26.9.09
Faye Kusairi
What's with her that makes people go ga-ga?
What make them likes her?
What made them misunderstood??
Faye is a 'mesra alam' person. She loves to make new friends, catching up with old friends, new ones and mostly, she loves being in a company of a person. Yet, she also love to be alone for once in a while. Ya know, a space only for herself. She also love to joke around. And I mean, all around! She is only serious when she say she is. Though, having a bad temper is a common thing to her and some other people. She's only human but she's trying to control her heat of temper every now and then.
Hence, Faye is well-known by her family of her 'easily-bored' attitude. She leaves losers like snails; so slow! And, she moves on easily like nothing had happened. She can't even stay put in one place for 30 minutes. She's always up for something or anything. She loves to have joyful fun and if I may say, Faye has her cheeky days where she'll innocently flirts with people. A cheeky smile and a sharp stare is all she needs to do to catch any attention she needs. Though, needless for me to tell you folks, she's never serious with being in this way. So, becareful, be smart and be wise. Faye is predictable if you're cunning enough to be walking with her (if you know what I mean).
Moreover, Faye is a jeans/short with slipers kinda chic. She occasionally beautify herself. Her style is messy but she always brings her confidence along with her style. To her, confident is sexy. So, no matter how messy you are, you'll always be sexy with confidence. Poyo is another thing she has in her quality. This, I honestly can't understand why people are still attracted to her. Frankly, she is being all 'poyo' is to make them take another step, backwards. But it seems that it made them did the opposite way. I think she is has a magnetic thingy in her aura or something. I don't understand.
Controlling isn't a quality she likes. In conclusion, jealousy, envy, conquering and demandings aren't in her dictionary. She love to be free and so she lets most people around her to be free as well. Though being free doesn't mean that there's no limits. She has her own border and walls. With that, she's never be too far away in the dark.
Faye.. Faye. Some say she's a crazy chic. Some say she talks like a dude. Any ways, at the end of the day, she is her. She is Faye Kusairi. An ordinary girl, rockin' her own world and living her life near border. You can hate her all you want. Also, you can like her all you want. But be careful dear brave ones, never fall for her unless she lets herself fall for you. Dropping her guards aren't anything easy for her. Life is nothing but an act we play. The world is nothing but a stage we act. The people are nothing but actors and actresses in the play. And Faye will be Faye in everyway she wants to be.
And now, tell me.
What's with her that makes people go ga-ga?
What make them likes her?
What made them misunderstood??
I let you conclude.
25.9.09
Uttering The Impossibility.
We had a deeper conversation the other day. You came clean and so did I.
2 years, no turning back. You had me back then, but fate let us be in this situation now. I'm impressed how fate had bring us here. Through ups & downs, you were there with no complains, no hesitations and not a single leak of faith you had for me, I am truly impressed of what you had learn out of your own mistakes and mine as well.
From songs you had given me to the last poem I wrote for you, I kept in deep and in silence. Untouched, those memories, I recently taste the sweetness out of its bitterness. The bliss I felt out of the sadness and those direness I learned, I found completeness. I became harden by the experience I faced and so I conclude myself with a hard-shell yet smiley days. And yet, you are always there.
I am never dishonest with you, as that is my true color. I am never easy with you, as it is my nature of covering my vulnerability. I am never visible with you in anyhow. And you're still here.
I respect you as how you respect me.
I embrace you as how you embrace me.
I think of you as how you think of me.
But yet, I still can't answer as how you questioned me.
2 years, no turning back. You had me back then, but fate let us be in this situation now. I'm impressed how fate had bring us here. Through ups & downs, you were there with no complains, no hesitations and not a single leak of faith you had for me, I am truly impressed of what you had learn out of your own mistakes and mine as well.
From songs you had given me to the last poem I wrote for you, I kept in deep and in silence. Untouched, those memories, I recently taste the sweetness out of its bitterness. The bliss I felt out of the sadness and those direness I learned, I found completeness. I became harden by the experience I faced and so I conclude myself with a hard-shell yet smiley days. And yet, you are always there.
I am never dishonest with you, as that is my true color. I am never easy with you, as it is my nature of covering my vulnerability. I am never visible with you in anyhow. And you're still here.
I respect you as how you respect me.
I embrace you as how you embrace me.
I think of you as how you think of me.
But yet, I still can't answer as how you questioned me.
Only time can tell, so leave if you think time is too controlling.
Stay, if you think time is worth it...
24.9.09
Kreziness.
I'm so damn bored til I think I could die feeling this way for another hour! Hehh.
I have great headache. I have great worries. I have great desires. But I don't have great appetite. Why? I feel like puking after every meal. I eat half way and I'll suddenly lost my appetite. Hehh.
I feel stressed. I don't feel like Miri, I dont feel like KL. I feel like living in a cave. So nobody should see or look or even stare at me anymore. Heh.
I'm feeling bitchy. I dunnu why, but I just feel like being bitchy, selfish & annoying. I'm irritating & obnogtious now. So, leave me alone. HEHH!
I am hungry. But sometimes I think I'm not. I miss him but I could not do anything anymore. I think I need love but I'm in denial. I hate myself like I hate you! Heh.
I think I need ice cream & chocolate now. HEH!
I have great headache. I have great worries. I have great desires. But I don't have great appetite. Why? I feel like puking after every meal. I eat half way and I'll suddenly lost my appetite. Hehh.
I feel stressed. I don't feel like Miri, I dont feel like KL. I feel like living in a cave. So nobody should see or look or even stare at me anymore. Heh.
I'm feeling bitchy. I dunnu why, but I just feel like being bitchy, selfish & annoying. I'm irritating & obnogtious now. So, leave me alone. HEHH!
I am hungry. But sometimes I think I'm not. I miss him but I could not do anything anymore. I think I need love but I'm in denial. I hate myself like I hate you! Heh.
I think I need ice cream & chocolate now. HEH!
19.9.09
I've a Zit & a Cute Ass
You heard me, it's near Raya and I've a zit on my forehead. Heehoo!!
And finally, I've found a new phone to replace my old one. But it doesn't mean I don't like my old phone no more. I still do, so I'm keeping it until I've some cash to go and fix it. It's still useable anyway.
Owh....! And Yay!!! I bought a new pair of jeans and I love it! It fits well with my CUTE ASS. Haha.. I'm so happy and relieved that I finally bought a new pair of jeans. Just so heavenly!So now I've everything I wanted. No more shopping and all. Only left for me to go get my nails done. Oh.. My poor fingers! But first, I just gotta get my work done. I mean the cooking part for Raya.
Speaking about Raya, today seems to be the last day of Ramadhan. No doubt about us feeling joyful of the Aidilfitri's tomorrow, but I'm kinda sad that Ramadhan is over. Hehh. So, this year it seems that I'm a lazy ass to do beading onto my baju kurung & kebayas. Very very the lazy one I tell you. So, my baju will be very basic, nothing fancy like the past years.
Anyway, I'd like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness from you readers, friends & also foes. Do pardon me from my language throughout my bloggings, if it happeneds to hurt anyone's feeling. I meant no harm but the truth.
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf zahir & batin. Enjoy the wonderful days of Aidilfitri with your loved ones and may Allah bless you with good health, wealth & harmony. Loves & Cheers for Raya!!!
17.9.09
Wave Me, Good Luck.
I know I may seem easy going. And at times, I'm also very flirtatious. But please don't get me wrong. I do have feelings. I am actually sensitive and very loveable. In fact, surprisingly I am a faithful person when it comes of being in a relationship. I don't mean to be bold in saying this facts, but I am talking about facts, about myself.
I found it's hard for anyone to tie me down with the word 'love'. Affections to me, brings commitments. Hence, it carries huge responsibilities. If anyone could understand this and actually have proven me wrong that is in my sight; none of the people I know could see nor fathom how I see life and myself. I'd love them unconditionally.
I could only love a person once, and that's it. But I could forgive and grant chances to others. Though, for me to make a decision is very ardouos. In another word, 'I love you once, so easy. But I can't love you twice that easy'. Therefore, I'd rather be free from strings, free from life itself. To be care-free for once, so I wouldn't hurt nobody, especially myself.
Yes, of course there's more to life than just keeping my heart and my life to myself. But then, here we are. We're still breathing and living our life in a huge world of curiousity. I want to live freely. If you may love me, let me be. Have faith in me and trust me, fate will come.
For what's in my heart is like a great treasure, only for me to know and for you to discover. The path that I'm walking is blurry and may seem like it ends to no where. My journey begins with faith and I believe that it'll end with fate. So, if you'd bet on me, then walk with me. If you don't, I'd suggest you to stop here, wave and wish me, good luck.
16.9.09
I Sent Him Her Note.
From her to him.
" I'm so aroused with the words that you say, the game that we play and the thoughts that we share. Divinely, it's like magic that we seek and the fantasy we craze. Craving you is like drinking chocolate in a cold night and the moon blooms beautifully. Your words warmth me in the night like soaking in a warm milk with petals of roses soathes my skin. Your kisses taste like strawberries dipped into chocolate fudge and oh so sweet. The sweetness I indulge and to me, your lips are so addictive. Over the moon I've been, reading your words I craze. To be with you, I await. But still, your words is all I could embrace ".
...solumnly waiting.
14.9.09
Litttle Miss Clumsy
Tonight I am rather clumsy. Right after a quick drive to Alai's burger stall in town with Kakak, I went in to the kitchen to fix us some drinks. She wanted an ice blended Chocolate with whipped cream. As I was opening a container using a knife, I accidentally sliced my finger. But it was just a little cut. Nothing serious. Then, I dropped chocolate rice all over the kitchen table. Wait! There's more. Then I dropped cocoa on the shelve and dropped ice near the fridge. Then.. when it's time to eat, I accidentally spilt some chili sauce on Mama's white carpet! Fuck! Then... as a grand finale for the night, I spilt my drink all over the mini coffee table. And I was left with no drinks and two pieces of roti john. Damn! What a clumsy night.
A Beautiful Masquerade
Fake lashes and thick mascara. Deep colours of eye shadows to complete it all. Red luscious and subtle sheer of a soft blush onto her cheek. A look in the mirror and that's all it is.
A beautiful masquerade.She steals. She lies. She cheats and she fights. She stole every sweet moment she could, in every moments of joy she felt in the presence of bliss. She lies in the arm of her loved ones and those pretended to be affectious forward her. Yet she embraced it all. She cheats, oh yes. She did cheat. She cheated death. And it was never once. She cheated death twice. God must have loved her more than she loved herself. She is also a fighter. She fights for those she loves, she fights for those in needs but never she fights for herself. A battle she never meet triumph is a battle she fights between her heart and mind. And so she hides. Under a beautiful masquerade, she hides all of her sweats, tears and exhaustions.
With the sweetest sins of her smile, she hide. For what they seen of her, externally is just a beautiful masquearde, smilling upon them all.
Never steal, lie, cheat nor fight.
But if you may,
Steal great moments with your loved ones. Lie in the arms of your loved ones. Cheat death for your loved ones. Fight for every right you own because of your loved ones.
For they are the reason you are here.
Living, breathing and belonging.
12.9.09
Black Bra & Lacey Undies.
It's a game.
A game where only the bravest will play and the smartest will succeed.
A game consist of two players,
two simple rules.
Abide by it and you'll be safe.
In an unnoticed stealth we play
And the world became changing.
Loser will fail and winner will bail.
It's just a game we play.
A game we start I create
A game you play with unknown ending
Call it quits when your outta your game
Call it bites when you're avoiding the blames.
With butterflies and the sweetest sins it brings
Be careful as I may say
Never let the game wheeled around.
For not it will bleed from you in the very end.
A game where only the bravest will play and the smartest will succeed.
A game consist of two players,
two simple rules.
Abide by it and you'll be safe.
In an unnoticed stealth we play
And the world became changing.
Loser will fail and winner will bail.
It's just a game we play.
A game we start I create
A game you play with unknown ending
Call it quits when your outta your game
Call it bites when you're avoiding the blames.
With butterflies and the sweetest sins it brings
Be careful as I may say
Never let the game wheeled around.
For not it will bleed from you in the very end.
It's just a game we play.
Hug me. Hug me not.
Haih...
I'm missing something. I'm not sure if i'm missing someone either. Here I am, at home. This is where I grew up. Where I used to comfort myself, the place I could feel security and affections. Those dire moments I embraced. Those sweetest sins and deeds I absorbed. It's so fresh in my mind. If these walls has a voice, it'll tell lotsa memories. If these walls has a magic automatic writing thingy, it has so many story for everybody to read. I'm sure there's lotsa interesting stories to read.
I want to feel to belong to someone. But at the same time, I just want to be free. Care free about life. Having no plans. No commitment. No strings attached. But I find it's kinda ardous for people to do so. Why can't we just forget about our age? Why can't we just forget about the time for once? Is it so important that we have to not bear the critical awareness of the time passing by? Why can't we just walk? One step to another. Let time leads us the way to somewhere we are yet to be surprised. Isn't that it was supposed to be. Oh God! I'm so confused. These doesn't makes any sense at all!
Hug me. Hug me not. For who are you to comfort me and for me to want u to be near?
Gosh.. the weather here's been terrible. It's dry & hot since I've been here.
I miss the rain.
11.9.09
Miri or KL?
I'm so in a dilemma. I seriously can't decide to go back or to stay back. I'm so stuck! There's equal reasons for me to stay and to go back anytime soon. This is my first visit back home for almost 2 years being away, damn, it feels good to be home! I feel safe, peaceful and calm. But I've better job to do in KL as well. Both are equally worth for me to be presence. But it has different reasons and yet it has equal desirabilities. Miri or KL? I just love both places. I love Miri because of Mama and I love KL because of My dad. I'm so irritatingly undecided.
To stay back or to go back?
8.9.09
For My Only Sin
For lust is mine
Call for me, for me to please you.
Draw your pain in to my own
Hold me gently. I want nobody but you.
Kiss my neck and for you I moan.
Cover me in your sins, for they excite me like nothing before.
They sicken me beyond belief. But still, I desire you to want me more.
To long for me even if there's more to life.
For my body is your temple
All you must do is lust for me, long for me.
For you are my only sin.
Love & Disappointments.
Yes, in love
I have been disappointed.
With pranks always playing on me,
one man to another
one home to another.
Often, I was moving to another arms.
For whatever faith is left of mine
I feel betrayed and ought to trust no one.
Yes, love is a disappointments.
This is my latest definitions of what love is.
Though always
I will fall for same faults,
If love disappoints me
to lust I turn.
As there is always the cure for my temporary care,
my ceaseless loneliness.
Clinging to lust,
for I, to survive.
And so, this is the pieces left of me.
I have been disappointed.
With pranks always playing on me,
one man to another
one home to another.
Often, I was moving to another arms.
For whatever faith is left of mine
I feel betrayed and ought to trust no one.
Yes, love is a disappointments.
This is my latest definitions of what love is.
Though always
I will fall for same faults,
If love disappoints me
to lust I turn.
As there is always the cure for my temporary care,
my ceaseless loneliness.
Clinging to lust,
for I, to survive.
And so, this is the pieces left of me.
Home Sweet Home
AT LAST!! I'M HOME!!!!! home sweet home.
My flight from KLIA was at 8.30am, so my mum, dad and me woke up approx at 5am.
Then rite after sahur, we left from kakak's place.
My friends, Along, Diddy & Nyza tagged along to send me to the airport.
So thoughtful of them. Thank you guys!
Though they looked at me with their 'puppy eyes' like I wasnt going back to KL. Hehh!
So we aboard out plane at 8.20am and as the plane took flight, i was like WUHUUUU!!!! (dalam hati je lah!) hehe...
The nite b4 i didnt had any good sleep, so i slept the whole way back.
As i heard the flight attendant said that we're soon be landing in Miri International Airport, I was so damn excited.
I looked out the window and smile all the way until we safely landed in MIRI! yayy!!
Omg.. I went into the terminal and i really feel like hugging everyone including strangers! Hahaha..
Dat's how bad i miss my hometown. We took our luggage and when straight home.
Then we arrived home. My heart felt like WOW!! im home.
I'd jump around but i wudnt want my parents to think dat i cracked my brain! hahaha...
But yea.. I was really happy.
So.. home sweet home. :)
My flight from KLIA was at 8.30am, so my mum, dad and me woke up approx at 5am.
Then rite after sahur, we left from kakak's place.
My friends, Along, Diddy & Nyza tagged along to send me to the airport.
So thoughtful of them. Thank you guys!
Though they looked at me with their 'puppy eyes' like I wasnt going back to KL. Hehh!
So we aboard out plane at 8.20am and as the plane took flight, i was like WUHUUUU!!!! (dalam hati je lah!) hehe...
The nite b4 i didnt had any good sleep, so i slept the whole way back.
As i heard the flight attendant said that we're soon be landing in Miri International Airport, I was so damn excited.
I looked out the window and smile all the way until we safely landed in MIRI! yayy!!
Omg.. I went into the terminal and i really feel like hugging everyone including strangers! Hahaha..
Dat's how bad i miss my hometown. We took our luggage and when straight home.
Then we arrived home. My heart felt like WOW!! im home.
I'd jump around but i wudnt want my parents to think dat i cracked my brain! hahaha...
But yea.. I was really happy.
So.. home sweet home. :)
3.9.09
The After Rain
Don't you just love the rain? Well, at least I do...
The past few years been rough, but here I am. Still standing on my feet. With better visions, I may add. Regardless for me to tell you, out of perfections I did went out of my principles once in a while. And needless for me to tell you that my definitions of perfections is where I meant by living in my own definition of being perfect; which is in my own world. I know it doesnt makes any sense at all for you readers to understand, but I think if u'd read through and really fathom that what I wrote in my blog, is exactly what I feel and think thoroughly.
Have u ever sit and really spend some quality time alone, just to urself when it just stopped raining? Just a quiet moment and stay numb for a minute after the rain. To me, it's the best air that I'd breathe. It brings out some memories, it doesnt matter those dire ones nor those good old days. I just love the feeling. It made me feel like missing someone. It makes me remind of myself in my purile days. It makes me remind myself of moving forward and embracing my past.
And so, I did.
Most of the time, when the rain stops...
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