Beautiful Worlds

You know, I used to think that I'm always lucky. Well, in fact, I'm neither anything near lucky nor fortunate. I think we are told and made believe that we are, that's why we are. In another way to say it is that, we are being lied about fake stories that we are special, but we're the most worse thing ever happened to them. That's why they lied. Having us was a mistake that they simply hide it from us because they had told us something they didn't really thought about just completely through and thorough.

For example, when I was born, my Mum had a C section. It was a live and death thingy and that the doctor had advice mother to abort me when she was conceiving me a couple of months. She kept me anyway because she thought I was special and a miracle happened, both baby and mother survived. It seems like a happy story right? Well, right about now, I'm not much a happy person that I once was. I think God is just punishing me on earth before He decided to take me home to Him. Mother always told me that I'm lucky and that I should be happy about life. First of all, all I did since I can talk and think is to please everyone around me and to make them happy. What I don't realise is that I can please, make them happy and make them feel good about themselve all at once but then I was the one who had none. Up to this moment I'm writing this, I'm still a stupid person trying to live life when all I can feel is nothing near alive. Like a poor person had a really good meal today, then tomorrow, he or she has nothing to eat. Poor people like me, isn't gifted with smiles. So spare me one. I believe that the only time I will have a long smile is when I take my last sigh on earth and go home to God.

Truthfully I feel stupid, dumb and irritating. And being happy is just temporary. All bullshit! It only last for a minute then it'll be washed away. What's permanant is grief, sadness and depression. Yup, I think that's what God trying to tell me. When I feel happy, do get to excited about it. It may be last for a minute or two, or maybe a day if im lucky. The rest is crap. All for the devil to make jokes upon! I hate my life! FUCK YOU!