Beautiful Worlds
by Faye Kusairi28.2.10
Beautiful
Each passing day brings love and hatred. As how I understand, it correlates. Though sometimes it's just too painful to endure. But what's love without suffer right? We tend to punish ourselves for that. There's so many ways in life we find to enforce it. Some people know how to validate their feelings and understand repectively how to treat others. But, I do think that there are also those who have anxiety and acts differently. Thus, they will enforce pain on themselves for mistakes they's made.
In reality, it is unrealistic in another person's eye. In misery and ashamed, their brain takes over and tells them when their next
cycle will be. It may be for release of pressure, anxiety or how it's consistantly in their life and unvoluntary. I have to admit, I think that
they are naively afraid that someone that they really love are enforcing pain and will soon gone out of control.
What are we really? But flesh and bones, nothing less and nothing more. Yet still, we want to be more. Why is there this drive to become gods or goddess? Is that really what we want? Isn't living and dying is enough? Why spend eternity doing nothing but helping ourselves? We have one lifetime of making a difference to someone else. Do we even deserve to exist? If we live for our own egos, why do we even exist? Make a difference by showing that we care.
In a divine land by a beautiful shore, beautiful people live fast and live only for their owned beautiful materials and beautiful faces. While somehow forgetting their family and lovers. In beautiful beds, they closed their beautiful eyes and see the lives that they're living are beautiful lies. I believe that one day, they'd give up their beautiful ghosts. They'll see life's not about always having the most. But till that beautiful day, they'll live fast and live for the beautiful more as beautiful souls.
B e a u t i f u l .
26.2.10
Cracked
Something's wrong with me. One after another, and I'm still baffled with what's going on. I've made research but not quite sure of what it is. Definitely not nothing, it's something. Fuck paranormalities. I'm facing depression because of it. I do not want to be in the same boat anymore. No more! I need moral support. Help me help me.
25.2.10
Once A Beautiful Nightmare
You'll never know when it's going to hit, never know what you're going to do. And you'll never know how you're going to feel. A surreal nightmare is worser to bear and even worser to hear. Worse than any nightmare you'd ever bother. You'll feel lost within, with only darkness to be a friend of.
The pain is like a thousand deaths running through you. It'll get so hard to breathe, you'll suffocate and collapse on the floor. Enough! And finally swallow. Time to wake up from this hollow nightmare. Let it slip through your guts and then you let out a scream. Believe me, the pain is so real. You'll see yourself as you're pulled out from here. Then finally everyone will look. It was no dream as you just had too much of it. They'll just look at you as they are helpless fools!
As you lay there sleeping endlessly, you'll laugh hollowly. Because you know it's going to end soon. Then tears start to fall. Will anyone miss you? or Will you be just a miss? What will happen on the next day?
I'll tell you, they will not care.
But they refuse for trouble. And so they throw you away, on the roadside somewhere. As everything gets dark, you'll stop feeling the pain and fuck, you'll die in a harsh way of death.
Just When Awful Feels Softer
We spoke in wonderful words just as emotions triggered as quickly as it could be broken. Painful words quickly to be said as emotions become as cloudy as the stormy weather could be. Either way, it correlates as both can be such a bother and never a burden. I hate the strange feeling and the sleepless night. Though, tears in my eyes made it clear that you deeply care. Of words you say cut me through, it bleeds so I won't ever feel the numb. You know it's true. I love you so dear, for everyday I wish to be in the warmth of your deepest cold heart. So have me now as how you want it to.
I stabbed my heart just to come away with you.
I stabbed my heart just to come away with you.
Outta Bounce
First of all, I'd like to express gratitude towards my partner for making me realise that some things that comes out from my mouth isn't really sweet at all. Like I used to say, I'm sweeter than sugar. Too much of me is bad for your health.
But now, I realised that being that way is disastrace. I am lucky enough to have my partner to tell me off that what I had said or done isn't the work of a genius. So, here's my apology and I thank you. What I said and done didn't meant to hurt anyone. I meant what I mean, it's just that it has mislead most people, thus leaving them in hatred and in some case, revenge. I accept the fact if this is the punishment I get from God Himself. Though no matter how bad things get, I'm thankful enough to Him for sending an angel to take care of me. With this, again, I would like to apologise.
I'm so sorry for the misleadings and misunderstandings. I am happy with my life now and intend to keep it that way for a long long time with my partner.
I love you sayang and I thank you for always having my back.
20.2.10
Dear Wishing Fool
Dear wishing fool,
I tak suke You. So You jangan kacau I dengan dia ok?
If You keep on wishing for something that doesn't belongs to You, then You're selfish.
If You still nak apa yang You tak dapat and still not getting it, takkan tak paham paham lagi kot.
If You masih rasa tarak malu, sedo sedo la ye. Hidung tak mancung, Pipi tersorong sorong.
Please accept the fact that You're unwanted, expired and past due. So stop wishing for it.
I tak mau You keep on enterframing 'our' picture nor near 'our' frame.
You yang tak pandai bersyukur, not me. So deal with it.
Do not push You're luck. It is at its best as it is.
You ruined Your own bliss, so do not ruin someone else's delights.
You made a mess of Your own life, so do not mess other's life.
Ok dear?
19.2.10
"L"
Dear LOSER and BACKSTABBERS,
You guys can kiss my ass. You only hear what you want to hear. So your brain is just as big a peanut. Pity you, a monkey has bigger larger brain than you do. To my so-call friends who acts as BACKSTABBERS, you guys should've kill me rather than just stab me at the back for not knowing both sides of the story. It's ok then. Just remember that the person you stabbed holds stories you hid from a LOSER which happens to be your so-called 'friend'. Tisk Tisk. So I personally recommand that you guys should just zip it. Alright?
XOXO, Faye.
18.2.10
Pray.
" Dear God, give us grace and strength to preserve. Give us courage and vivacity into our quiet mind. Spare to us, our friends and soften to us our enemies. Give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we may be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in fury and in all changes of fortune, and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving to one another. Forget the past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what we’re going to do now. And do it with honour and believe. Trust each other through this journey that’ll lead to many obstacles for the road of contentment. Focus on where we want to go not on what we fear, for the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction."
Keep this in your days to remember me, us and I shall do too towards you.
16.2.10
The Woman's Diary
A man and a woman had their late dinner together.
Afterwards, the man said, “Come, walk with me. We’ll talk along the way; I promise I won’t bore you in any way. Today I’ll be your friend. Is it alright dear?”
The woman smiled, put on her shawl and walked with him along the peaceful starry night.
Man: You know, some people thinks that black is power and some thinks its depression. Some thinks green is honesty and some says it’s weedy, blue is peace and some thinks its boredom. One thinks red is warmth and one its anger. What we think is what we always see.
Woman, “Recession is to correct or curse things. I see”.
Woman: Sometimes you amaze me. Your quiet strength, wisdom and insights inspire and excite me.
Man (giggles): I’d draw you into my world; in so many different and new ways. Alienating!
Man, “Open my eyes. Renew my faith in myself and into you. If we weren’t made to be lovers, I’d never thought my soul could hold so much. Now my mind could wrap so tightly around an ideal spark. The flame and the muse of a belief, my here and now would sublime pleasure of bliss”.
Woman looked downwards with a smile while holding the man’s hand; smiling endlessly. The man smiled cynically and said, “Here we are. Guess we’ll call it a night huh?”
Woman: Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for dinner and the ‘talk’. (Giggle) You’re such a sweetheart.
The man gave her a kiss on the cheek and hugged her.
Man: I’ll see you tomorrow?
Woman: Yea, sure. Coffee on me alright?
Man: Cool. Take care now.
Woman: Will do, you too.
The woman drove home while thinking, refreshing their conversation earlier.
And so as she came home, she took a warm shower, cleanse herself and settle for a hot tea in front of her desk. She took her pen and started her writing in her diary. And she wrote;
“ It’s amazing how his eyes show pure honesty. His smile warms me deeply and his words comfort me, lifting my soul into bliss. He could console me with his hand that reaches my soul and ease the pain. Like a saint, his heart never fails to listen and he feels my mixed emotions. I wonder if my presence lightens up his day. He guides me in all ways, gave his time without restraints and helps me through misery. I never needed to call, he is always there. What a wonder, just amazing!
I was born into this world not by choice. Blessed with a heart and soul, I could speech my voice of mind to reflect wisdom and intellectual. Each with individual imagination to think and to reflect what is the origin of the universe. Where is the beginning? What is the power in the universe and where is it going? What is the meaning of our existence? Do you know what the secret of subsistence is and why one is born into this world? Why life is twisted twirled and riled? Why the road is not smooth in harmony and why joy is not paved all through this journey? Where can one find the reality? Where can one find answer with honesty?
Many voices and many thoughts were suppressed by masses. Ideologies and trends made popularism rules the day. ‘It breeds more sheep and flattened the grass abound where shepherds once lay’. I bet honesty is their complaints but spoken in vain, silence screams unheard as reason is shrugged off. The loud minorities represented as norm and the tame ones were tossed aside, battered and torn. Free thoughts and honesty snubbed and repressed of blind eyes and mind set. How many voices? How many thoughts? Arts for heartaches of differing we protest.
When romance becomes a game, it loses its honesty and its attraction. Yet I never felt anything more sincere than his unspoken affection. My heart weeps when he’s away. I smiles when he shines my way. One of these days we'll share a day. For now, I dream that love will find a way because I believe that no love seems more real or sincere than when he’s near. Then moments like this I could feel so clear and remind me how much I am in deep affections towards him. "
15.2.10
Happy Chinese New Year
First of all, Happy Chinese New Year! And it's the holidays. My dad's in KL til the 22nd. I'm not sure whether Mama will be joining him to Miri or Labuan or to stay in KL. Then the coming week, Firdaus will be having a gig in KLPAC. I'm siked to watch him perform. Hee! Meanwhile, if Mama's leaving KL for Miri, I'll be taking care of the business. Otherwise, if she's not going I'm planning to seek for any temporary job. I NEED TO SAVE SOME GREEN FOR SOMETHING. I may need it by end of this year. Again, I'm sike!
So, these few day Firdaus been spending his holidays with me and my family. I think it's so sweet of him. Indirectly, I understand that he's showing his commitment or sincerity towards his words. Of course I know that he's always sincere and honest, the point is that he's such a sweetheart. Right about now as I'm writing, he's playing board game with my family. So cool. I suck, so I lost in addition. We've been playing 'Saidina' since yesterday afternoon. Last night Firdaus spent the night at Abang's place. He took a candid video of me sleeping and SNORING! hahhaha.. Damn! I guess I'm exhausted or something.
Seems that my family is in good terms with Firdaus. I'm overwhelmed. I'm thankful too. I'm so sorry that I'm writing a little too much about him, but it seems that he has been the only thing I feel and think. Guilty as charged, he is my world. (guys, don't roll your eyes) *pfft*
Owh! Today, an unwanted incident happend in our shop here. Damn! My parents had been hypnotized and the bastards stole cash in their purse and wallet. So all and all, they've lost approximately RM700 - RM800. Wtf man. Fyi, this is the second time it had happend to us. Just that before this it was only RM200. Damn! Wtf people?? Don't you have anything better to do than to steal some other people's effort of getting money? Have you ever heard of 'AN HONEST JOB/WORK?? Are you dumb or something??? Sheesh. I hate these kinda people. *sigh*
Anyway, I'd like to express my unsatisfactory towards someone that I had been extremely patience to for the last 6 to 7 months. Dude, when the hell are you gonna come up with the money? I'm seriously getting bored with your reasons and excuses. Too many excuses we've been excusing man. Bak kata orang, "Orang berbudi, Kita berbahasa". The least you can do is to keep some cash or to pay us bit by bit. Dude, where's your motherfucking balls? Damn. I even made peace with you, why can't you just learn to appreciate that by taking care of ur goddamn dignity by paying or showing ur gayish effort to pay up! God Dammit, you are so getting on my last nerve man. Shit. It's only fucking RM350 man. Pandai bikin hal, pandai pandai la settle hal. *sigh* serious L-O-S-E-R !!!
On the other hand, tomorrow's the last day for the CNY's hols. I wonder what else's exciting to do. Firdaus is in addiction to play 'Bola Santai'. But the case is that the others of the 'Dubuk Muda' isn't around. Semua balik kampung maa~ What to do? What to do? What to do? No more board game, please lah. I'm getting blind bored playing those game. Heh.
gedik
12.2.10
Bengap!
Ok, aku tak paham gak kadang kadang ade gak orang yang tak paham paham or tak reti bahasa. Perlu ke aku pampang segalanya kat status aku? Atau perlu ke aku bagi cakap dua tiga kali supaya ko paham? Mak tak cukup ajar ek? Aku ni tanak la jadi kurang ajar sangat, tapi aku rase rase aku ni cukup di ajar mak bapak aku supaya reti bahasa bila orang tanak atau tak suke dikacau mahupun mengganggu ketenteraman hidup orang. Aku pelik lah. Nape lah sesetengah orang suke menyusahkan diri menyesuaikan diri kat aku or hidup aku walaupun aku cakap TAK NAK or TAK SUKE. Part mane yang ko tak paham bro?
Aku sebenarnya tanak post benda benda camni lam blog aku ni ha. Tapi aku tau ko memang baca nye~
So, sebab bila aku cakap, ko tak paham. Maybe dengan cara aku menulis ni, ko paham. Aku siap tulis dalam bahasa kot. Bukan english. Kang aku tulis english, ko tak paham sangat plak. Betol tak? Aku pun tanak cakap yang ko ni bodoh atau bangang. Tapi dah ternyata ko sememangnye BANGANG! Terima lah seadanya kenyataan ni ye? Aku terpaksa tulis camni supaya ko lebih paham. Aku ni kesian kat engko sebab tak reti reti bahasa.
Ko sendiri tau kan aku ade hidup aku sendiri dah. And hell, I'm loving every single bit of it! Ye, aku sayang family aku dan YE, AKU SAYANG FIRDAUS. Dia sorang je aku nak! Ko de masalah nak paham ke? Ke ko ni BEBAL? Aku tak ingin diganggu dengan apa cara skali. Dan aku memang tak suke style ko dok buat muka seposen tu! Ko ingat ko comel sangat la bikin muka camtu? Sangat tak senonoh dan HODOH sama skali tau. Aku bagi muka kat ko, seeloknya ko hormat lah aku & Firdaus. Bole? Jangan sampai aku ajar ko camne nak hormat orang. Sekurang kurangnya, ko tunjukkan la kat aku yang mak ko cukup ajar engko! Ni tak. Ko tunjuk yang ko ni bongok sangat and tak tau malu kat aku ni buat ape? Aku tak suke lah!
Skali lagi aku nak 'highlight'kan. Bila aku tak layan bermaksud aku tak suka. Dan bila aku tak suka maksudnya bagi aku, ko ni menjelekkan. Dan bila ko ni menjelekkan kat aku, aku pandang ko sebelah mata pun tanak. Ada faham?
10.2.10
Cunning or simply Cheating?
Today, I’ve been thinking of some issues that I previously experienced in my past which correlates to others and my own immediate family. It’s about deceptions or not telling the truth. It is cunning or simply cheating?
I reckon that cheaters have an unfair advantage when it comes to betrayal. The only trust in lying is most betrayal goes undetected or unproven because the rules of the game tend to favour those who cheat. Most people have a strong desire to believe what a partner has to say. Trusting a partner creates a sense of security and comfort. Logically, no one really wants to think that a partner may be lying.
Humans were made in an imperfection, so I do think it is common for lovers to tell lies when their partners ask too many pointed questions; provoking ones to be precise. But, this doesn’t mean that it is wrong to ask a partner questions. One even quoted, "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies”. As for me, the person who asks the most questions is often telling the most lie.
Moreover, one rather assume the worst as it is often easier to believe something I like to call a "pleasant lie" than to acknowledge a devastating truth. When one made promises to be faithful, people are more likely to be serious and have every intention of keeping their word. Though personally, it’s easier said than done. I reckon that one’s behaviour is not always ruled by the fact that vows were taken and that promises were made. From time to time, our emotions influence our behaviour and lead us down paths we had no intention of being rootless.
Through experiences and stories I’ve heard, betrayal mostly occurs because people find themselves in situations where their emotions overwhelm them. Situations such as being close on someone other than their partner, spending a lot of one-on-one time with someone else, not feeling close or connected to their partner such as feeling lonely or angry, the feeling that one will not get caught or occasionally, situations that involves alcohol or drugs. Poor decisions were made as for many people finds it is very difficult to always be in control of one's emotions when placed in these situations.
Some says that self restraint and having a high will power can control their emotions and actions. Though, this statement is arguable. Personally, I think that relying on will power or to self restraint correlates to be discipline towards oneself. It’s like dieting I reckon. People make promises they cannot keep. More often, will power and self restraint are not enough to control our usual diets. As for me, to diet successfully needs more drastic measures. A successful dieting often requires a change in lifestyle, environment and social networks.
Well, I am aware of the consequences of cheating are much more severe than the consequences of failing a diet. But the correlation is that most people admit to failing a diet, but not to cheating.
Overall, I reckon that betrayal is a typical human behaviour and is difficult to control. Being faithful to a person is more complicated than simply making promises. Again, easier said than done.
As a conclusion, I think that being faithful to a partner is to avoid situations which bring out the worst in our behaviour. When a partner violates one’s expectations about what is appropriate, we feel betrayed. And so, we just have to bear in mind that relationships are not based on logic, but they are influenced by emotions.
PS : This context is being written in general. No heart feelings.
9.2.10
Allure Star
Life is a chance to grow a soul. Thus, for a soul to grow requires a companion along the way. Family, relatives, friends, lover, strangers or even foes are a part of the unity in each of our existence. Life grows in time of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks or years. Moments were captured impromptu; an event we weren’t aware of. But at the end of the day, it’s not the years in your life’s that counts. It’s the life in your years.
Friday, February 5th, 2010
Recently, I went on a trip back to Firdaus’s hometown in Alor Setar, Kedah. I’d express my deepest gratitude for these moments I’ve been away to cherish one life; a trip to the yesteryears of my better half’s journey of life.
I saw stars along the way. Then as the sun rises, paddy fields green over the wide surface of earth. It was so breathe taking. The air is cleaner and I could feel peace in the harmonic atmosphere in Kedah. I finally arrived at the home of my better half. His mother welcomed us at the door upon our arrival. I was nervous (as usual). Then so, we had breakfast together that morning. We had a dish called ‘Nasi Royale’; I reckon a majority favourite there. The dish was very interesting, though I could not finish mine due to my unlikely tummy after for about 5 hours sitting in the car. My mind was feeling numb as well. Then after breakfast, I was shown some photos of my better half. Most of it was when he was in his puerile years. He was so adorable in those photos. Later, his mother had shown me his room for me to sleep in. Both of us took a nap before going visiting a friend of his mother.
My first day was okay. By the time we got back home with his mother, it was near 10pm. Firdaus took his usual ciggy and we chilled outside of his home while admiring his dad’s old school yellow VW beetle. I called my mum to update her about myself being in Alor Setar. As we sat there on his front boot car, I looked up into the sky and stared at the stars. Gosh, it was so quiet and peaceful. I felt home and overwhelmed. And so, I smiled honestly, thanking God for giving me the opportunity to be there at that time. Then, we spent the night watching DVD; a Beautiful Mind. It was a good story, though I was really tired after a long day. So I slept in front of the TV beside Firdaus. He woke me up and accompanied me to the room. My first night ended with a promising day for tomorrow and kiss on my forehead by him. Then “I love you” he said.
The sun shines beautifully in Anak Bukit on that Saturday morning. My second day started as I woke up at approximately 9.30am. As usual, Firdaus was still in his sleep. I went into his mother’s bedroom to take my bath and there he was sleeping on her bed. Poor Firdaus, exhausted after a long drive. So then we had roti canai for breakfast. Firdaus’s youngest brother, Faiz and his friends were at home as well. But they had to go to Pulau Pinang at noon. Meanwhile, I helped Firdaus’s mother preparing for lunch. Right after lunch, we spent the whole afternoon watching Forest Gump until Acap texted Firdaus, inviting us to chill out at Oldtown. We went there using his dad’s old school yellow VW beetle. I feel so cute sitting inside! Afterwards from Oldtown, Firdaus had brought me to eat one of his favourite ‘thing’ near his high school called Cucuk. Damn! I love it. Too bad the rojak stall wasn’t open. So, ALL HAIL MIRI’S ROJAK!
This is the cucuk stall Firdaus had brought me. The rojak stall which is located near to this stall was supposed to be open but it didn't. So, rain check I guess. Too bad.
Then after enjoying the cucuk, we went visiting Firdaus high school; Sultan Abdul Hamid College (SAHC). Honestly I felt proud being there. Firdaus and Acap shared their moment, memories during their high school times. Then I felt overwhelmed. I thought to myself that I was given an opportunity to view Firdaus’s journey to adulthood. A sneak into his past, I felt very luck to know it in the present. I was standing nobly in front of his high school and thank God for giving me the opportunity to share a part of his previous life with me. Utter gratitude (1995 - 1999).As the sun sets off, we went back home. Acap had suggested spending the break of dawn at the seashore near the Jetty in Kuala Kedah. Though we were a little too tired to be able to wake up that early, so we had to cancel that plan. That night, we went out eating Kuey Teow Iman with Acap. By midnight, Firdaus had brought me driving along Alor Setar town. We talked along the way. My heart was so at ease at that point. A moment I will cherish for the rest of my life. As we got back home, Firdaus had his usual ciggy at the balcony near his room. We sat there until 2.30am talking about his childhood times. He told me that he saw a different side of me along the time I’m there.
From the bottom of my heart, I could not wish to be anywhere else but there with him. I love him deeply.
Then by dawn, Firdaus and I had gone to fetch his younger sister, Ejah at the bus station.
The next morning I woke up near noon! Again, poor Firdaus looked so tired in his sleep. I took my bath then woke him up and made him to take his bath as well. “Today’s the day” I told him. It’s the day he’s getting his new haircut. Damnnnnn!!! He texted his friend to make an appointment then we went to Pakmi to enjoy Nescafe Ais Tarik; also known as NAT. But before that we had gone to the carwash. I have to make an honest statement that NAT was so so GOOD! I’m not a fan of coffee or Nescafe, but this particular shop serves the BEST NAT ever. I loike!!! There, we chilled the noon with Badut and Acap. At 4pm, we had make a move to CityPoint to go to Pun’s saloon; where Firdaus is getting his hair fixed. There, we had Chicken Mee Soup, which I personally enjoy. So Chinese, so I like! We spent approximately 2 hours and 3o minutes there, though the outcome’s utter excellence! I so love Firdaus new look. I reckon he’s diggin’ it as well.
“ Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. Things are the way they are but things will not stay the way they are for there are no permanent changes because change itself is permanent. Life is always at some turning point. ”
Later that evening, Firdaus had brought me driving around to Kuala Kedah. We drove around taking photos until sunset. We went back home to rest before leaving for KL. We had spent the whole night with Firdaus’s family. His dad was around as well, so we had dinner together. I really felt welcomed. Consequently I can’t stop thanking God for giving me these moments. I am in humble of appreciating everything I had feel, shared and given through my time being in Alor Setar.
By midnight, we had started our journey back to the hectic city of KL. I looked up into the clear sky and stared at the stars. I took one last look at the divine sky of Kedah and feel that one last feeling of harmony and peace. I thought to myself, Goodbye for now Alor Setar. I’ll come back once more.
My first visit was exquisite and tasteful. To end with, I reckon that this trip was definitely one memorable trip. It had showed me that I was walking into the right path in life. I’d share my life with Firdaus and trust him to take care of me as how I would take care of him. Indeed, we are what we are supposed to be, forevermore.
M u h d F i r d a u s S h a h
3.2.10
Over & Over Again
Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you. I used to be scared of these feelings because it’s still new. I caught myself thinking of the best way to share it recently. You returned my confession by showing how deeply you cared about me. Then I caught myself again. I drag my thoughts back to reality and I am back at square one. Does this just happen to me? This is so stupid! I swear I would never do this. But this is YOU. And you aren’t like anyone I have met.
Tell me, how much longer do I have to write? When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure. But then I sleep and the dreams of you occur. The dreams I have of you are so vivid and crystal clear. I taste bliss and suddenly there is nothing left to fear. People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them. I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear what I am about to say to you.
Feel it with my body, see it in my face and hear it in my words. Tone when we converse. I love you! I love you more than I ever thought I could. Be with me always and be loved like you should.
A stranger may ask me, why are you so easily falling in love with him? I’ll utter in confidence. “He thought me to associate with all my pleasant experiences with him. Thus, he made me disassociate from all the unpleasant ones. He said that to fall in love is to be in a state of mind for it to take. Something to feel and it’s not something to see. Love is a feeling, it cannot be touched. But it touches us. It cannot be seen but it’ll make us see everything in various kinds of perspective. He told me that I was the one and he made me believed.
Once before, I kept my head up high. Then he came on my way, unexpectedly. Most certainly, I lived in a life of a masquerade. My dear heart filled with so much pain. But now that pain has gone away and I have found a place I want to be. This place I see is with him. Only in his arms I can feel such a wonderful feeling that I cannot believe. So I gave him me. For my heart believes in him.
Rivers of affection runs deep into the valleys of our heart. Neither height nor depth, nor mountains too wide could show you the depths of our affections. Trust me, when I say that way beyond the seas and throughout all eternity, you could never see the depths of our devotions. Through heat of the sun and far beyond the sky, thousands tears that we’ve cried. We could never show you the depths of our faithfulness. Forgiveness is beyond measure and memories to treasure of love written as lullaby. Of all enchanted dreams of miles and time, songs and rhyme, money or gain, life or pain, you could never have what we have.
Understand that we share a dream. We talk for hours at a time and our friendship is in a relationship. A bond created because we will always be there for each other, anytime when comfort is needed. We knew our pain because we trusted us enough to share our past. We knew our fears. Because we helped each other to see that it was the same. We knew what was important as we are always so honest together. We knew our goals. We felt the enthusiasm in our words as we talked. Thus, I knew his guidance as he patiently explained the things I didn't understand. He knew my heart and I saw right into his. And it felt a part of our own. We knew our honour. We knew our love. We knew our dream. It let us to be together.
So we pledged. The words of a miss could not display the depths of how we care. The words of a wanting do not betray the extent of what we dare. The words of a need cannot convey the extent of my prayer. The words of love itself do not portray the heights of his stagger.
And so, together as one, we walk.
Make an effort to feel compassion instead of blaming or to self-blame. The heart will open again and it will continue to unbolt. I dare to say that I am falling in love; over and over again to the same guy I am in love now.
In a great faith, he do too.
Tell me, how much longer do I have to write? When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure. But then I sleep and the dreams of you occur. The dreams I have of you are so vivid and crystal clear. I taste bliss and suddenly there is nothing left to fear. People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them. I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear what I am about to say to you.
Feel it with my body, see it in my face and hear it in my words. Tone when we converse. I love you! I love you more than I ever thought I could. Be with me always and be loved like you should.
A stranger may ask me, why are you so easily falling in love with him? I’ll utter in confidence. “He thought me to associate with all my pleasant experiences with him. Thus, he made me disassociate from all the unpleasant ones. He said that to fall in love is to be in a state of mind for it to take. Something to feel and it’s not something to see. Love is a feeling, it cannot be touched. But it touches us. It cannot be seen but it’ll make us see everything in various kinds of perspective. He told me that I was the one and he made me believed.
Once before, I kept my head up high. Then he came on my way, unexpectedly. Most certainly, I lived in a life of a masquerade. My dear heart filled with so much pain. But now that pain has gone away and I have found a place I want to be. This place I see is with him. Only in his arms I can feel such a wonderful feeling that I cannot believe. So I gave him me. For my heart believes in him.
Rivers of affection runs deep into the valleys of our heart. Neither height nor depth, nor mountains too wide could show you the depths of our affections. Trust me, when I say that way beyond the seas and throughout all eternity, you could never see the depths of our devotions. Through heat of the sun and far beyond the sky, thousands tears that we’ve cried. We could never show you the depths of our faithfulness. Forgiveness is beyond measure and memories to treasure of love written as lullaby. Of all enchanted dreams of miles and time, songs and rhyme, money or gain, life or pain, you could never have what we have.
Understand that we share a dream. We talk for hours at a time and our friendship is in a relationship. A bond created because we will always be there for each other, anytime when comfort is needed. We knew our pain because we trusted us enough to share our past. We knew our fears. Because we helped each other to see that it was the same. We knew what was important as we are always so honest together. We knew our goals. We felt the enthusiasm in our words as we talked. Thus, I knew his guidance as he patiently explained the things I didn't understand. He knew my heart and I saw right into his. And it felt a part of our own. We knew our honour. We knew our love. We knew our dream. It let us to be together.
So we pledged. The words of a miss could not display the depths of how we care. The words of a wanting do not betray the extent of what we dare. The words of a need cannot convey the extent of my prayer. The words of love itself do not portray the heights of his stagger.
And so, together as one, we walk.
Make an effort to feel compassion instead of blaming or to self-blame. The heart will open again and it will continue to unbolt. I dare to say that I am falling in love; over and over again to the same guy I am in love now.
In a great faith, he do too.
2.2.10
Yesterday is Everyday.
Yesterday was our usual Sunday. But in this case, it’s Monday. It definitely wasn’t a Monday Blues for sure. God! Yesterday I just can't stop wishing. Yesterday was our usual Sunday. And on every one of our usual Sunday, I will always wish for the same darn thing. Yesterday I felt the galaxy was at peace all in once. Yesterday I don’t want to be anywhere else but to be with you. Yesterday, you made me feel whole, so full! Yesterday I saw your sweet smile. I can’t resist from feeling bright and breezy. Yesterday I saw your endearing soothing eyes. I just can’t stop listening to my heart that’s beating passionately. Yesterday I was held by you. Yesterday nothing else I could say but to smile in vain. Yesterday I felt your beautiful love surrounding me. I feel so harmless. I feel home. Yesterday I felt so lucky, the luckiest girl alive. So Yesterday I fell in love again, over and over again. You are the only one who can do what you do to me. Yesterday I wish for bliss to be upon us. And so, yesterday I prayed from the depth of my heart. My soul was imploring for God to make us belong for each other. I love you deeply dear.
Jantung Ku & ChentaYou
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